Choices
by Ri2
Summary: All of life is defined by a series of choices. When Stitch makes a choice that causes him to radically change overnight, what will be the end result?
1. Stitch discovers religion

Hi! My name's Ri2. This will be my first attempt at Lilo and Stitch, so I hope it's not too bad. Flames will be ignored.

Disclaimer: All Lilo and Stitch characters copyrighted by Disney. All other experiments and the Ban-Kar religion are owned by me.

It seemed to be a regular day in Hawaii. The sun was shining brightly. The surfers were shredding waves. The numerous illegal genetic experiments living in the community were performing their assorted jobs without much complaint. A blue mutated cross between a koala and a dog with four arms and antenna was throwing books at an immense bipedal whale outside of the city library. The last was getting to be a daily occurrence, so nobody paid it much attention anymore.

"Hand over Experiment 067! Quit making trouble for yourself!" Gantu yelled, firing several blasts from his plasma gun.

Experiment 626, affectionately named "Stitch" easily dodged the shots and stuck his tongue out at the former captain of the Galactic Federation. "Naga!" He backflipped away as Gantu fired another half a dozen shots at him, and landed next to his best friend Lilo on the sidelines. She handed him a dozen small hardcover books from a nearby cart. He took them and jumped back into battle. Running alongside a wall, he hurled the books at Gantu ninja-style. The alien blasted most of them out of the air, but he missed one, which spun past his shoulder and dashed an ice cream cone out of the hand of the Sunburned Tourist. Despondent at the loss of yet another ice cream cone, the tourist walked away miserably.

Stitch ran back over to the book cart, grabbed an entire twenty-six-volume encyclopedia set, and hurled them at Gantu, one by one. The giant growled angrily in between getting struck by the books. "You're only-ow!-digging yourself-ow!-deeper, trog! Ow!" The last volume of the set temporarily stunned Gantu, allowing Stitch to grab a copy of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and ram it into the barrel of Gantu's oversized plasma gun. The evil captain quickly recovered, failing to notice Stitch's sabotage. The little blue experiment backflipped away and wiggled his hiney at Gantu. Enraged, he aimed his gun at Stitch and pulled the trigger. It exploded, sending Gantu hurtling over the horizon like a famous trio of equally inept villains from a certain anime that shall remain nameless. "This isn't over, abomination! I'll be back!" he shouted as he disappeared.

Stitch blew a raspberry. "Later, Stupid-head."

Lilo came over, lugging the glass capsule containing the large green worm that was 067. "Great job, Stitch! I think you may have set a new distance record!" He smirked. Lilo turned her attention to the captive worm. "Now to find out where you belong. Let's see…you like to semi-digest books to absorb knowledge from them. I think I know exactly where to take you…"

Experiment 067 was designed to swallow books, copy all the information in them to memory, and spit them back out. He had been originally programmed by Jumba for the purpose of sneaking into peoples' bedrooms using his supple wormy body and copy all the information in their diaries, providing a wealth of blackmail information (and other stuff, depending on the diary contents). As such, Lilo thought he would be perfect working at a help desk in the nearest Barnes & Noble. He could digest all the books in the store, and if anyone came to him asking for information on books he could tell them not only where it was located, but its title, publishing date, author, and anything else they needed to know. Perfect for book report material.

While Lilo negotiated terms of employment for the newly christened Bookworm with the store's management, Stitch decided to explore the bookstore. He had never been to one of this size before, and was awed by the number of books there. Stitch had only recently got into reading, and found himself an avid fan of sci-fi novels. He liked to laugh at how grossly inaccurate the authors were at depicting space, interplanetary cultures, and most of the laws of physics.

Since he had never been to a book store as big as Barnes & Noble before, it was understandable how Stitch could get completely and totally lost. On the way to the science fiction section, he somehow wound up in the part where they kept religious books. Undaunted, he turned around to continue his search for the sci-fi section. But as he did, something he saw from the corner of his eye caught his interest. He turned to a bookshelf and saw a large book entitled "The Word of Ban-Kar" on it. Curious, Stitch pulled it off the shelf and flipped through it. As he skimmed through the pages, words like 'destruction', 'absolute damnation', and 'end of the world' caught his eye. His interest in the text increased. 

Before he could read further, he heard Lilo calling his name. "Stitch! Where are you?" Stitch tucked the book under his arm and followed the sound of her voice, quickly finding Lilo. "Oh, there you are," she said. "What's that?"

Stitch held up the book. "Stitch want."

She looked at the book. "You want me to buy this thing?" He nodded. "Okay, but only if you promise to read the entire thing this time and not stop halfway and eat it like you did with 'War of the Worlds.'"

Stitch nodded. "Okay. I promise."

Several hours later, as he was sitting up in bed reading the book, Stitch regretted his promise. The book was not nearly as interesting as he had first thought. The parts speaking of doom for all mankind were referring in context to 'the horrible sins of human nature'. The whole book was talking about how God (named Ban-Kar in the book) created everyone so they would be born sinful and evil, and only through a lifetime of toil and suffering could they redeem themselves. The religious system described in the book seemed immensely stupid and inefficient to Stitch, much like the current government of the United States. One of the only highlights in the book was a part mentioning a demoness or something that embodied everything that was supposedly 'evil', like caring for yourself before others, bad manners, lots of little things that according to Ban-Kar were enough to send you on a one-way trip to Hell (Like not washing your hands when you're done in the bathroom) and happiness. According to the book, happiness not derived from the service of others is sinful. He longed to stop reading, but he had promised Lilo he would finish it so he decided to just read it as quickly as he could and then throw it away. He skimmed the last few hundred pages, which were mostly talking about how people should dedicate their lives to charity and give everything they owned to the needy of the community and pretty much be boring for the rest of their lives. Very relieved when he finally reached the last page, he closed the book and shoved it as far away from him as he could. 

He was about to go to sleep when his stomach rumbled. He had skipped dinner that night because Pleakley had attempted to make this month's Thanksgiving dinner completely out of tofu. Stitch had managed to wiggle out of it by claiming he had to go finish reading his book, so he hadn't had anything to eat. He started to get out of bed when Lilo turned over in her bed. He hesitated. Lilo had been having trouble sleeping recently. She would surely hear him leaving the room and wake up. He didn't want to do that, but he wouldn't be able to sleep with an empty belly, either. What was he to do? As his stomach growled again, he glanced at the religious text a few feet away from him. Perhaps the stupid thing would come in handy after all. He shoved the book down his throat, swallowing it as quietly as he could. He suppressed a belch as the text started dissolving in his stomach. Sated, he curled up under his blanket and went to sleep. Little did he know how that one act would alter his way of life for quite some time.

Did this reel you in? I'm new at this, so expect the first couple of chapters to be sketchy. I think I know where I'm going with this, so any support would be appreciated. Please review.


	2. Something is wrong with Stitch

Okay, I didn't get any reviews last time, so I'm hoping that this time somebody might take an interest and actually read this story. If not, I might consider just plain removing it altogether. Please review!

Lilo woke up the next morning to find that she was alone in her bedroom. "Stitch?" she called. She hopped on the elevator and went down to the main level of the house, looking for her best friend. She was surprised to find Stitch in the kitchen, attempting to make pancakes. "Hey, I didn't know you could cook!"

"I can't, but surely it can't be that difficult," he said as he flipped a burnt pancake off the stove with a spatula. It landed on the floor. He picked it up, dusted it off, and put it back on.

Lilo blinked, realizing Stitch had answered her in perfect English. "Uh…Stitch, is something wrong?"

He shook his head. "No Lilo, nothing's wrong. In fact, everything's wonderful!" He hugged Lilo. "That book you bought me yesterday changed my life! The teachings of that holy text have touched me, and I have decided to become a follower of Ban-Kar!"

"Oh…um, okay, way to go Stitch!" she said, a little unsure.

Jumba and Pleakley entered the kitchen. "I am smelling pancakes. What is going on?" asked the resident evil genius.

"Stitch says he's discovered religion," explained Lilo.

Jumba frowned and looked at Stitch suspiciously as he sat down at the breakfast table. "I am not programming him to find religion," he muttered.

Pleakley had a different view of the matter. "Well, I think it's good that the little monster has found some spiritual purpose in his life. Maybe now he'll stop eating my petunias!" he joked.

Although Stitch did indeed stop eating Pleakley's petunias, nobody had any idea just what other changes Stitch had undergone as a result of this new religion. Changes that would influence everyone in the household whether they liked it or not.

The next day…

Nani searched through her closet fruitlessly for a specific outfit she had in mind. Unable to find it, she went to the one person she could think of who would have taken it. "Pleakley, did you take my skimpy outfit from my closet?"

"Er, which skimpy outfit?" he asked.

"You know…the one that Lilo is never to see under any circumstances?"

"Oh…OH! _That_ skimpy outfit! Well, uh, no, I haven't," he said apologetically.

Nani sighed in exasperation. "Are you sure?" she pushed.

Pleakley thought for a minute. "Wait, now that I think about it, I saw Stitch walking by with it and a few other outfits a little while ago."

Nani frowned. "And you didn't think there was anything wrong with that?"

The alien shrugged. "I don't know a thing about his new religion, for all I know it requires him to dress up in female clothing to perform certain ceremonies and stuff. Just like mine!"

Nani decided not to question Pleakley further and sought out Stitch. When she found him, she planned on getting an explanation. "Stitch, what were you doing with some of my clothes?" she asked.

"I threw them out."

"You WHAT?! Why did you throw them out?!" she demanded.

"They were skimpy and revealing. It is sinful to show parts of your body in public like that. Why did you want such horrible and evil clothes?" he asked.

"I was planning on wearing one of those to work today so I could have a better chance of convincing Mr. Jameson to give me a raise!"

He shook his head in dismay. "Nani, are you really so greedy that you'd resort to prostitution to get money?"

She looked at him in disbelief. "Money? We _need _more money, seeing as how I'm the only person in this household that works, while trying to feed a family of five _and_ replace all of the stuff you destroy on a weekly (if not daily) basis!"

"If you want more money, then you must earn it fairly through hard work and perseverance, not through sinful means. I am ashamed that you would even think of resorting to such disgusting methods to gain a raise." With that, he walked away.

Nani restrained herself from going after Stitch and punishing him, reminding herself that they would all have to be tolerant and adjust to Stitch's new choice of religion for a while, like any good family would. She groaned. "Guess we're going to have to cut back on food and hula lessons again…"

Pleakley looked around his room. Nani had left for work after failing to find her skimpy outfit, Lilo was preparing to go to school, and Jumba was out in his lab on the ship. He grinned to himself. Now was the perfect time to indulge in his secret love of dressing up in female undergarments! Giggling to himself, he opened a locked drawer on Jumba's desk (which only he had the key to) and found all of his undergarments were gone. He blinked. That wasn't right. He quickly checked his locked chest in the closet, where he kept more underwear. It was empty, too. Frantic, he pried open a loose floorboard and checked the space underneath it. To his horror, that was empty too. Trying to keep himself from panicking, he realized there was only one person who could have done this. "STITCH!" he yelled.

The little blue experiment poked his head through the door. "Yes?"

"Did you take all of the Earth female undergarments I had lying about the room?" Pleakley asked angrily.

"Yes."

"Why did you take them?!" he demanded.

Stitch got a pitying expression on his face. "Pleakley, wearing female undergarments if you are not a male is perverted and sinful. You should restrict yourself to male clothes and quit disguising yourself as a female anyway. Cross-dressing is sinful, because those clothes are made for women and it is greedy of you to squander them all for yourself. I sold all of your undergarments and disguises to charity."

Pleakley gaped. "YOU SOLD ALL MY-"

"I also borrowed your sewing machine to make some new male clothes for you since I didn't have enough money to purchase them myself. Here you go!" Stitch handed Pleakley a pair of three-legged pants that were all the wrong length and had stitches on them, a large and ugly shirt made out of too many different kinds of fabric with sleeves of different lengths, and a hideous neon orange tie.

Pleakley bit his lip to keep himself from crying. The clothes were really that horrible. "You used my sewing machine without permission to make these…these monstrosities! My sewing machine is designed to make masterpieces, beautiful art in the form of clothing, not…_this_!" He threw the clothes to the floor in disgust.

Stitch frowned. "Fine. If you get damned for wearing female clothes, don't come crawling back to me." He left.

Fuming with rage, Pleakley managed to calm himself down, remembering he still had ONE secret place left. "There's no way he could have found the secret stash I hid under the bed!" he said eagerly, stretching his noodle-like arms under the bed in search of his underwear. He found nothing but dust bunnies.

Stitch poked his head back in. "By the way, I also found your secret stash under the bed." He left.

Unable to contain himself anymore, Pleakley broke down and cried.

Lilo opened the fridge. She grabbed a sandwich with a sticky note on it saying "Pudge". She started to put the sandwich in her backpack, only to have it grabbed by Stitch. "Hey, give that back!"

"What's this?" he asked, sniffing the sandwich.

"That sandwich is for Pudge the fish. If I don't give him one every week, he won't be able to control the weather and tropical storms will befall our pleasant island." She said patiently.

Stitch frowned. "Why is Pudge able to control the weather?"

"Because he's a god, silly. I've told you this before!" she explained.

"Oh." Stitch ate the sandwich.

Lilo gasped. "Stitch! Why did you do that?"

"Worshipping a fish as a god is pagan and sinful. I don't want to see you go to Hell, Lilo. I recommend you stay away from Mr. Pudge," he said sternly.

"But Stitch, if I don't give Pudge a sandwich today, he won't be able to use his god powers to stop the storm coming in!" Lilo protested.

Stitch shook his head. "Nonsense. Pudge the fish is no more a god than you or I."

Pudge, fish-god of weather, was hungry. The little human follower-girl was late with his weekly sacrifice. She was usually late, so he wasn't too worried. However, he had a strange feeling he wasn't going to get fed that day, or for many weeks thereafter. He shrugged inwardly. Oh well, if the little human girl didn't care about stopping climactic disturbances from disrupting island life, that was her problem, not his.

Lilo frowned. "We can talk about this later. Have you seen my voodoo dolls?"

"I threw them away."

She exploded. "You threw them away?! But I needed them for show and tell! How can I beat Mertle Edmond if I don't have voodoo dolls?"

"Use this!" said Stitch, handing her a doll.

Lilo stared at it. "…This is a Barbie doll."

"Yes. It comes with a comb and brush so you can do her hair and three separate outfits," Stitch added, handing her a box full of the doll's accessories.

Lilo was starting to get angry. "Stitch-"

He looked at the clock. "Oh, you should already be at school now!" He dragged her out of the kitchen and shoved her out the front door. "Have a nice day!" He closed the door and locked it.

Lilo stared at the door in confusion and anger for several seconds before clenching her fists and starting the walk to school.

Jumba focused all four of his eyes on the computer screen in his spaceship laboratory. "Yes…just a little bit more…" He carefully made a few slight changes to the image in front of him and pressed a button. The screen flashed cheerfully. He laughed and laughed victoriously. "Yes! I, Dr. Jumba Jookiba, have finally found a cure for cancer!"

"That's nice," said Stitch, pulling the plug on the computer and causing the screen to go blank.

Jumba gasped in horror. "What are you doing? I spent months working on that cure!"

"Yes, months that could easily have been spent doing something more productive to aid the community," said Stitch as he crushed the computer into a small mass and swallowed it.

Jumba looked at Stitch in confusion. "How is finding cure for cancer not productive?"

"Playing with genetics is the work of the devil. Ban-Kar decrees that only he may spawn life from nothing. All else is evil and sinful," Stitch explained.

Jumba frowned. "If I hadn't 'played' with genetics, you would not be existing."

"And would that have been such a bad thing?" asked Stitch. "You brought me to life through your evil science. I must now atone for my sin of existence by doing good deeds for the rest of my life," Stitch said humbly.

"That is what I am doing! Cure for cancer is good thing!" Jumba protested.

"If you are to cure cancer, do it without playing God. Or at least get a real job." Feeling he had finished his work there, Stitch left.

Jumba grumbled. "'Get a real job.' Who does he think he is being? I am bringing him to life and this is how he is repaying me? Hmmph." He pressed a button, and another computer popped up. "Is good thing that I am making multiple back-ups of all work in case of accident like this." With that, he quickly completed the original cure for cancer he had saved earlier, then began work on eliminating AIDS.

After Lilo left the house, it had started raining uncontrollably, (No doubt due to Pudge not getting any sandwich) soaking her wet. To make things worse, a car splashed mud on her, she accidentally knocked into the Sunburned Tourist (Under an umbrella) which caused him to drop his ice cream on her head, and she nearly got run over crossing the street. So as you can easily guess, this along with the other events of the morning was combining to plunge her into a really bad mood. But it would only get worse when show and tell started at school.

The big teacher guy (whose name always escapes me) applauded politely as Mertle finished showing off her new cell phone. "Very nice, Mertle. Just don't run up your phone bill by making too many long-distance calls, I learned that lesson when I got my first phone…Lilo, what do you have to show us today?"

Lilo, still sopping wet and covered with mud and ice cream, stepped in front of the class. The other students giggled and compared her to the mud monsters she so often loved to talk about. In a deadpan tone of voice, Lilo held up the Barbie doll. "This is a Barbie doll. It's stupid and acts as a negative role model for young impressionable girls like myself. It doesn't do anything but let you comb its hair and change its clothes."

The obnoxious little monster called Mertle Edmond snorted loudly. "How typical, Weird-lo. The first time you actually show up with a nice, NORMAL doll like my ones at home, you screw it up by looking like something that crawled out of the ocean and died. Freak." Mertle immediately regretted saying that when Lilo snapped and pounced on her.

Nani came home from work that day, with the same level of pay as before, and found out that Lilo was suspended from school for shoving a Barbie doll halfway up Mertle's nose and her family was thinking of pressing charges. Lilo was lectured, grounded, and sent to her room without supper, which may have been a good thing seeing as how the newly religious Stitch attempted to make pancakes again.

Okay, I'm hoping some of you liked this chapter more than the last one and will please consider reviewing. If you're wondering exactly why Stitch is acting so weird after demonstrating how much he disliked the Ban-Kar religion in the last chapter, you'll have to wait a while to find out what's going on. And if you think Stitch is irritating now, just wait until next chapter. You'll have to read it to believe it.


	3. Date with an Angel

I see from your reviews that you all liked the last chapter. That's good! I hope I will continue to get good reviews in spite of the horrible and unbelievable things Stitch will be doing in the next few chapters. Whoops! Almost gave the story away!

Disclaimer: The statues and carvings used in this chapter were inspired (well, taken) from a book from the Sword of Truth series. I do not own them in any way, shape or form. (And when you get right down to it, who would? They're _nasty_.)

Lilo was bored of being suspended and grounded. She looked around the house, hoping Stitch might have decided to go back to normal again so they could have some fun. He was nowhere to be found. "Pleakley, where's Stitch?" Lilo finally asked.

Pleakley looked up from the table he was dusting for the thirteenth time. "The little monster went into town to get some flowers. He's got a big date with Angel tonight!"

"Oh yeah…" said Lilo, remembering. "I forgot, it's been on the calendar for the last week hasn't it?"

Pleakley started getting stars in his eye. "And this means I'll have another chance at making America's Mushiest Home Romances! I would have gotten a prize-winning video last time for sure, if they hadn't spotted me and eaten my camera. But THIS time," he said, holding up a new video camera. "I will follow them in a disguise so brilliant they'll never recognize me!"

"Can I come?" Lilo begged. "Watching a mushy date's GOTTA be better than staying inside all day doing nothing!"

Pleakley shook his head. "Nuh-uh, no way! Nani said you were grounded, meaning you cannot leave this household for any reason!"

"Actually, is meaning she cannot leave household without adult supervision," said Jumba as he walked into the room. "And if both of us are there to be taking care of her, I am sure Big Girl will not mind at all."

Pleakley looked unsure. "I don't know…maybe we should ask Nani to be safe."

Jumba snorted. "She's working overtime tonight. I am not seeing any reason to bother her with more stress, especially seeing as how tight she is being stretched already. We will leave note to let her know where we are and what time we will be back. Okie-dokie?"

"Well…all right." Pleakley said reluctantly.

"Yeah, this is gonna be great!" Lilo said eagerly. If only she knew how wrong she was.

Experiment 624, now known as Angel, had been one of Jumba's greater successes. (Much better than that good-for-nothing 625, even if technically he is more powerful.) Designed to change good to evil with her magical song, she had originally been put to use by Dr. Hamsterviel to seduce Stitch and recruit all of the reformed experiments for his army. Nobody, including Angel had expected her to actually fall for Stitch. Angel ruined Hamsterviel's plan and was recaptured by Gantu, but Stitch had saved the day once again, rescuing her just before she could be teleported to the mad scientist's laboratory.

Angel would have moved in with Stitch, but Nani said (quite sensibly) that they couldn't afford to feed ANOTHER ravenous genetic experiment with their limited budget. So, she ended up living in the town playhouse, where she could put her excellent singing talents to use in musicals. And it was to this playhouse where Stitch, wearing his 'Kenny' costume, drove up in the souped-up family jeep. Angel was waiting for him on the theatre steps in her disguise as 'Angela', created from a blond wig and a few kiddy clothes to hide her alien anatomy. She hopped in the seat next to Stitch. "Hey bushi bu," she said, licking his cheek in greeting.

"Hey Angel," he said, licking her back. He handed her some flowers. She ate them, finding them delicious. "I think this'll be an interesting date. I've got everything planned out to make it a really special evening!"

"Really? Where do we start?" asked Angel, eager at the prospect of a romantic night with her mate.

"Well, first we have to go to dinner. I'm sure you'll love the place."

"The Dumpster behind the Movie Theater?" she asked hopefully.

He frowned. "Uh, no, a bit better than that."

She licked her lips. "The dumpster behind McDonalds?!"

Stitch stared at her. "No! No dumpsters!"

"But we usually have dinner out of a Dumpster! I like eating from them!" she complained.

"Not anymore. A lady of your elegance should dine somewhere truly worthy of her grace," he said flatteringly.

She gasped. "THE JUNKYARD!" she exclaimed gleefully.

He slapped his forehead. "For the last time, we are not eating garbage!"

Her ears drooped. "Then where else can we go?"

"You'll see." With that, he turned the ignition and drove off.

Just a few blocks away, Jumba, Lilo, and Pleakley sat in the family's other non-enhanced jeep, where they had listened to the conversation through the use of a bug Jumba had planted in Stitch's jeep before the date. "So what's going on?" asked Lilo from the back seat.

"626 is taking 624 out to dinner. Said something about it being a 'special night'," Jumba explained.

"And he also said he was taking her somewhere other than their usual trashcan and Dumpster spots. Maybe they're going to a fancy restaurant or something! Someplace truly romantic!" said Pleakley happily. "I can't wait to get the footage for this!" Taking the wheel, the one-eyed alien drove after the experiments.

Angel looked at her dish with distaste. "When you said we were going someplace special, this wasn't really what I had in mind," she muttered, poking the plate of unidentifiable edibles with a claw.

Stitch looked around with a frown. "We're in the Paradise, the finest restaurant on the island. What's not special about it?"

Angel shrugged. "Well, usually when you have a 'special' date planned we go eat some really good (and greasy) food from an inexpensive fast food restaurant like McDonalds (or from a garbage can). Not that I'm complaining about the restaurant or anything, but I thought you couldn't afford going to a place this nice on Nani's limited salary."

He smiled. "Don't worry, I have everything covered." He picked up one of the numerous forks and knives and used it to cut off a piece of the food on his plate. "Aren't you going to try this? It's really quite good."

Lacking knowledge of proper eating utensils, Angel just picked up her dish and stuffed it in her mouth, plate and all. As she crushed the porcelain and unidentifiable food bits between her teeth and then tried to swallow it, her face turned a bit greenish. "Er…hey Stitch, isn't that Gantu?" she said, pointing in a random direction.

"Where?" Stitch turned around. Angel quickly poked her head under the table, threw up, then sat back up, looking innocent as Stitch turned back around, a suspicious look on his face. "I didn't see Gantu."

"Sorry, my mistake. I was looking at the sushi bar." Stitch raised an eyebrow suspiciously. Angel gave him a non-threatening innocent grin. He shrugged and went back to eating.

Neither of them noticed Lilo, Jumba and Pleakley were watching them from the next table over. Pleakley's "brilliant" new disguise consisted of a horrible wig, a pair of glasses hanging around his neck because there was nowhere else for them to hang from, and the hideous clothes Stitch had made. Jumba was wearing the dress and makeup he had worn at Pleakley's wedding, along with a female wig. "This is boring," Lilo groaned. "Pleakley, is romance supposed to be this dull?"

Pleakley frowned. "No," he said as he lowered the video camera. "No it's not."

Jumba tugged at his dress. "Somebody please remind me why I am wearing ugly female disguise again?"

"Because they'll never expect you to be dressed up like a girl and me like a boy since we usually do it the other way around, so they'll never suspect it's us!" said Pleakley. "It's a foolproof plan!"

"Maybe so, but only if 626 and 624 are being fools. And I am not programming them to be stupid enough to fall for idiot disguises," said Jumba, crossing his arms.

Pleakley got angry at the insult to his 'brilliant' disguises. "No, but you _are_ programming them to be evil, violent, and obnoxious weapons of mass destruction with no sense of proper romance whatsoever!"

Jumba laughed. "I know, aren't they beautiful?"

"Beautiful? _Beautiful?!_ Flowers are beautiful. Paintings are beautiful. Experiments made by an idiot scientist are not-" That was as far as he got, because Jumba leaped out of his seat at the "idiot" crack and started throttling Pleakley's scrawny neck.

Not wanting Stitch and Angel to notice the fight and realize they were being followed, Lilo quickly intervened. "Uh, Unc-I mean, _Aunt_ Jumbina, you know you're not supposed to do Simpsons parodies in public!"

Jumba hesitated, suddenly realizing he was being watched by various diners. "Eh…Simpsons parody…yes, yes, of course…did not know what I was thinking…" Jumba laughed nervously, patted the frazzled Pleakley on the head (nearly knocking off the wig) and sat down quietly. Lilo sighed. 

Stitch continued eating his strange unidentifiable meal while the still-hungry Angel began chewing on the tablecloth, finding it had a better flavor than her dinner. A waiter walked up with a bottle of wine. "Our finest champagne, as you ordered, sir." He poured the bottle's contents into a pair of glasses, handed them to the experiments, and walked off.

"What's this?" asked Angel, sniffing the glass dubiously.

"It's an Earth alcoholic beverage called 'champagne'. It is usually drunk during especially romantic occasions. I thought it would be appropriate," said Stitch as he sipped from his glass.

She blushed. "Aw, that's sweet!" She examined the glass. "Alcohol, eh? Jumba never let me have any back at the lab. I wonder why." She shrugged and swallowed the champagne in one gulp, then threw the glass in too for good measure.

Jumba gasped. "Oh no! 624 is drinking alcohol!"

"What's so bad about that? Is she going to get drunk and act all funny like those people on TV?" asked Lilo.

"Eh? No, no, all my experiments are designed to stay sober at all times. That way they are always being razor-sharp and ready for action. But as side-effect, if any of them drinks alcohol it causes a chemical reaction resulting in…"

Angel's stomach growled. "Huh, that felt weird-" Suddenly, her muscles clenched. She turned her head and belched out a ten-foot stream of flame, setting a nearby table on fire and melting the nearby Sunburned Tourist's ice cream sundae. As the customers screamed and started running, the fire alarm went off and the sprinklers activated, dousing the fire and leaving everything very wet. A group of employees came to the table, looking angry. Angel's ears drooped. "Eh heh…excuse me?"

"…That." Jumba finished as the damp wedding dress began sticking to his skin.

"Ohhhh…so that's why you don't let Stitch have beer when you're watching football!" said Pleakley.

"No, I corrected the glitch while designing 626. I just don't want him drinking my liquor," said Jumba smugly.

Stitch looked angry. "Angel, look what you've done! You've gone and embarrassed us!"

"Sorry," she said, drooping even further.

"Sir, I don't suppose you can pay for the damage?" asked the maitre d' angrily.

Stitch checked his wallet. "I'm afraid not. But we'll be more than willing to work off the damages. Isn't that right, Angel?"

She nodded. "Absolutely. Look, over there, a distraction!" As everyone's heads turned, Angel grabbed the confused Stitch by the arm and ran out of the restaurant.

Jumba laughed happily. "Ah, leaving without paying bill! How evil! Come, let us be going. We do not want to be losing them."

As they got up, a waiter seemed to materialize from nowhere. "Your bill, madam."

Jumba looked at the piece of paper and started sweating. "Ah…yes, of course…holding on one minute…" He reached into his pocket, pulled something out, and flung it to the ground. It exploded, creating a huge cloud of smoke that covered everything. In all the confusion, Jumba grabbed Lilo and Pleakley and ran outside.

Once they were out in the fresh air, Pleakley expelled the nasty smog from his fragile lung sacs. "What was that?" he wheezed.

Jumba chuckled. "Smoke bomb. Am always carrying one or two around in case of emergencies."

"Shh!" Lilo hissed, holding a finger to her mouth. "Stitch and Angel are arguing over there!" The two aliens quickly shut up. They hid behind a nearby shrub to listen.

"What did you do that for?!" said Stitch angrily.

"I was TRYING to save our date and avoid working in the kitchens!" She shot back.

"We wouldn't have to work in the kitchen if you hadn't lit that table on fire!"

"I didn't even know I HAD fire breath! Then again, this may explain how 625 burnt that sandwich of his one time after drinking alcohol…" Stitch was starting back towards the restaurant. "Wait! Where are you going?"

He frowned at her. "I have to go back inside and work off the damages."

She looked at him as if he had grown another head (Although if he had been 627, that wouldn't have been very unusual). "What are you, NUTS?! We've just made a clean getaway! You don't break out of prison then show up the next day to turn yourself in, that's just crazy!"

"It's not crazy, it's honorable." He started back for the entrance. Angel stopped him again.

She sighed. "Stitch…look, how about this? Let's finish up our date and go home. Tomorrow when I get some time, I'll come back over and work off the debt. Would that satisfy your honor?"

He nodded. "Yes, but only if you promise. Do you promise to do it?'

"I promise."

He frowned. "Your fingers are crossed."

She rolled her eyes and uncrossed them. "Fine, I promise I'll come back tomorrow and work off the damages."

"Good. Let's get on to the next part of our special night." He walked over to the jeep. Angel smirked, uncrossed her antenna, and joined him. Jumba could not resist chuckling softly from behind the bush.

Stitch parked the car near the movie theater. "Here's our next stop!"

Angel looked at the movie posters. "Ooh! That new James Bond movie is out! Can we see it? Please?" She begged Stitch.

Stitch looked up at the poster, which showed the terrified-looking Bond being held at gunpoint by several furious women with the title "Hell Hath no Fury" written on it. "We'll see…" Taking that to mean a yes, she yelped happily and hugged him. He smiled, pushed her off, and walked to the ticket booth. Angel was happily thinking about making out with Stitch in the theater to the sound of gunshots and explosions when she clearly heard him say "Two tickets for the Teletubbies Movie please!"

"Huh?" Angel's euphoria ended abruptly. Stitch came over holding two tickets. She looked at him in confusion. "Stitch, I thought we were going to see the new Bond movie!"

He shook his head. "It's an R-rated movie."

"…So?"

"So it's full of evil and corrupting imagery of sex. It is sinful, so we should avoid it at all costs."

She stared at him. "…Okay, but how does that justify buying tickets to a movie that critics agree worldwide to be the worst film ever made?"

"I wanted us to see a movie that was politically correct and non-offensive to anyone of any race, gender, religion, or political affiliation. This is it!" He said, waving the tickets.

Angel's antenna drooped. "But Stitch, that'll be boring…"

"It may be boring, but it'll save our souls from damnation. Come along now." He led the miserable Angel inside.

An hour and a half later, they exited the theater. "That was horrible," Angel said in disgust.

"Oh come on, it wasn't that bad," Stitch responded.

She stared at him. "How was that not bad? The movie was eighty minutes of pure idiocy and baby talk! And you wouldn't kiss me even once while we were watching," she complained.

Stitch shrugged. "I was too busy paying attention to the plot."

Angel gave him a look. "_What _plot? It was a Teletubbies Movie! The very concept of plot doesn't exist in their world!"

As Stitch and Angel continued arguing on their way to the jeep, the trio of spies exited the theatre, looking similarly disgusted. "If I ever see another Teletubby again, I think I'll puke," said Lilo, holding her stomach. She noticed the poster for the movie they had just seen. Turning green, she ran back inside and headed for the bathroom.

Pleakley was just plain confused. "I-I don't understand. Why…why was there a human baby's face in the sun? And what language were those aliens speaking? I've never heard such gobbledygook before!"

Jumba shrugged. "That is all it was being, pure gobbledygook. Movie had no point whatsoever, but _did_ give me excellent idea for evil genius experiment!" He took out a notepad and started scribbling in it.

Pleakley grabbed the notepad and ripped it to pieces. "Oh no! I remember what happened the _last_ time that you made a new experiment! You promised you would never make another one!"

"Ah…yes, am supposing I did," Jumba said apologetically. "I am being sorry, Pleakley. Old habits die hard." Pleakley seemed to accept this and looked away. Jumba smirked. _Little does he know I am already writing up the blueprints in my mind! An experiment with the power to seduce children and use a hypnotic screen to turn them against their parents, creating an unstoppable army of little ones across the galaxy…pure genius! _He thought evilly. Lilo returned from the bathroom, and they went back to their jeep to eavesdrop on Angel and Stitch.

"So where are we going next?" asked Angel, not having very high prospects for the rest of the night.

"We're going someplace special," was the reply.

Angel sighed. "That's what you said about the restaurant and the theatre. How do I know this next place will be any different?"

"I promise," he said, putting an arm around her. He smiled. "Come on Angel, don't you trust me? When I say the next stop is special, I MEAN it."

Angel's ears perked up a little as she began hoping, against all logic, that maybe this night would end happily after all. "Of course I trust you, Stitch. Okay. Let's go."

"That's my girl." He licked her cheek and started the car. They drove off, followed by the three spies.

Pleakley looked as if he would sing. "Yes! Finally, real romance!"

"What do you mean?" asked Lilo.

"The last time I followed Stitch and Angel on a date, they finished at a special spot on the beach that nobody else knows about, a secret cove hidden from most eyes. It's absolutely _beautiful_ there, especially when the moon is positioned just right, to illuminate the water and cause the place to dance with light…" He wiped away a tear. "The little monster must be taking her to that cove! It's the only other place I can think of that would be THAT special to him!" He held up his camera. "_This_ time they won't break my camera when I tape them there! Jumba, follow that jeep!"

"We are already following them," the genius pointed out.

"…Oh. Right. Well…keep following them! America's Mushiest Home Romances here we come!"

Angel looked around despondently. When Stitch had said they were going someplace REALLY special, she had assumed he was taking her to their secret cove, a special place that held deep meaning to both of them. (Partly because it's where they first made love)

Instead, he had taken her to the town's local Church of Ban-Kar. It looked like your typical church, with pews and pillars with vaulted ceilings and stained glass windows, but it looked much more grisly than any other religious center on the island. The walls were covered in horrible carvings of people being whipped by grinning demons; twisted, deformed, and crippled humans suffering in pain; other people running on all fours and attacking women and children; more people reduced to walking skeletons covered in sores, and still more people throwing themselves into graves. A large carving on the floor depicted men gouging out their own eyes after seeing the perfect light of Ban-Kar, and men who had not blinded themselves being torn apart by demons. A huge statue sat behind an altar at the back of the church, depicting a heap of dead bodies being pierced by a huge lightning bolt. She shuddered. The entire building seemed to be a mammoth testimony to human suffering and death. Why would anyone possibly want to be a part of this religion?

Hoping to find solace from the gruesome horrors of the church, she turned to Stitch, who was sitting next to her on the hard, uncomfortable pew. He wasn't much better than the statues at the moment, locked in silent prayer to whatever horror this church was dedicated to. Every time she had tried to talk to him, he had firmly silenced her. Feeling somewhat small and insignificant, her ears and antenna drooped. She wanted to leave this place as soon as possible.

The three spies felt no different. "Uh, Jumba, can we go home now?" Lilo asked. "I mean, I'm not scared or anything, but it's probably _way_ past my bed time…"

Jumba looked uneasy. "I am agreeing with you, Little Girl. I am starting to get creeped out as well. And when evil genius who is spending spare time designing living weapons of mass destruction and chaos is creeped out, is very bad sign."

"No!" exclaimed Pleakley, focusing his camera on the experiment couple. "I will not leave until they do something romantic! I will not let another night of spying be wasted! I…WILL…MAKE IT TO AMERICA'S MUSHIEST HOME ROMANCES!" Frightened, Lilo and Jumba shifted a few feet away from Pleakley.

Angel finally got fed up. "Stitch!" she hissed. He frowned and ignored her. "Stitch!" she growled, even louder.

"What?" he asked, annoyed.

"Was this really your idea of a special night?" she asked angrily.

He looked confused. "What's wrong with it?"

"First we go to some fancy restaurant with a horrible meal neither of us can afford, then you take me to see the movie that will probably win an Academy Award for Worst Film in the History of the Universe, and finally you take me to this…this…" She gestured at the hideous artwork, at a loss for words. "This…obscene temple! If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to give me the worst date of my life as an incentive to break up with you!" Stitch said nothing. Angel was horrified. "Stitch…Stitch, please tell me I'm wrong. Tell me you're going through a tough time. Or you're having personal problems. Or…or anything else, but please, not that."

Stitch looked at her. "Angel, do you see this magnificent church around us?"

Trying not to panic, she looked around. "It's a little hard to miss."

"It was built by the Order of Ban-Kar. The religion I have recently joined."

"Yeah…" she said, hoping this was leading somewhere other than her worst fears.

"As a new member of the Order, I am forbidden any sexual relationships for five years. I tried to make this night as nice for you as possible, so it would soften the blow."

Angel was shocked. "You mean…you really are breaking up with me?" He nodded. She started to get angry. "You're breaking up with me for…for this?!" she said, waving at the horrible statue at the back of the church. "You're leaving me for this monstrosity?! Does this place really offer you more fulfillment and happiness than I ever could?"

"Yes." Angel was stunned. "I must admit, the time I had with you was fun, but I have more important things to worry about now. I'm sorry, Angel."

She held his hand. "Stitch…you told me once that you loved me. That I was another reason for you to get up every morning. You said you needed me." She looked down. "I thought you meant it."

He pushed her hand off. "I did mean it at the time. But I have only now seen how wrongly I've been living my life up to this point. I was wasting my life on silly things until I heard the word of Ban-Kar. Now that I have seen His light, I must put this opportunity He has given me to good use by spreading His word throughout the world. Love would only hold me back. That's why junior initiates are not allowed sexual relationships." He shrugged. "I'm sorry, but I don't need you anymore. I've found something more worthwhile to fix my heart on."

Angel felt her eyes tearing. "Stitch…" she begged.

"Goodbye Angel." He didn't look at her. He didn't even sound sorry to end a relationship that had vastly improved both their lives and made them tremendously happy together. Those two words were all it took to shatter Angel's heart into exactly six hundred and twenty six pieces. She ran from the church, unwilling to let anyone see her cry. Stitch did not seem to notice her absence and resumed his praying.

The three spies were dumbstruck. They all sat in silence, trying to deny what had just happened. But in the end, they knew it was true. Jumba sighed sadly. "Come, Little Girl. It is time to go home. Let us leave this place of evil." He gently took Lilo, who had started to cry, and led her towards the exit.

Pleakley sniffed, tears streaming from his one eye. In a sudden burst of rage, he smashed his video camera on the floor. "I'll NEVER get on America's Mushiest Home Romances!" he bawled, running after the others.

The priests and other followers of Ban-Kar stared at the fleeing alien in confusion. Stitch, seemingly untouched by anything around him, continued to pray.

Okay…I'm sure all of you are going to hate me for what I just wrote. But I PROMISE there's a good reason for all this, and our favorite lovebirds will get back together in the end. I'm as big an Angel and Stitch fan as anyone else, so don't think I hate this coupling. Please don't leave flames, and bear with me okay? Everything will work out in the end.


	4. Something is VERY wrong with Stitch

Thanks for all the reviews last chapter! I'll take everybody's advice to heart. Enjoy this next chapter (if you can!).

Jumba avidly watched the television. Turning his head to the kitchen, he yelled, "Little Girl! Pleakley! 626! Hurry up, the game is about to begin!" 

It was Sunday, and the whole family (Except for Nani, who as always was working overtime in an attempt to impress the boss and get a raise so they could all continue getting fed) was turning out to watch college football. The trio scurried out of the kitchen, carrying chips, pretzels, and a few cans of soda. Pleakley placed them on the table and sat down to watch the TV. "I find Earth sports _fascinating_, don't you Lilo?"

Lilo, who was only watching the game because she was still grounded and had nothing better to do, nodded silently. Stitch seemed a little more interested in the game, seeing as how violent sports were not against his religion. Jumba grabbed a can and downed its contents. "Football is reminding me of sport on my home planet. Only without the spiked balls. And the land mines. And the acid pits. And the forty-foot tall fire-breathing robots." He looked sad. "I miss the robots."

"Oh look, they're about to kick-on!" said Pleakley enthusiastically.

"That's 'kick-off', Pleakley," Lilo corrected.

Pleakley folded his arms smugly. "I graduated top in my class in Earth studies, I think I know what I'm talking about." Jumba snorted into his soda in an attempt not to laugh.

On the television, the two beefy and no doubt steroid-enhanced football teams stared each other down. One of them ran up to the ovaloid ball and wound back his foot to kick it when suddenly, the screen changed to show an anchorman sitting at a desk with the big letters "Special Bulletin" flashing around him. Jumba groaned. "Ooh, I find Earth news fascinating too!" said Pleakley excitedly.

The anchorman scanned his paper and started talking. "We interrupt this program to bring you a Channel 6 news report." An image in the upper-right corner of the screen enlarged to show an aerial view of a huge car accident, with vehicles piled up all over the road. "An oil truck driving through traffic on the Kauai turnpike swerved abruptly and overturned, causing this horrible gridlock. Fortunately, no one was harmed. We now go live to our field correspondent for an interview with the driver of the oil truck."

The screen changed to show a somewhat confused truck driver speaking into a microphone. "So, I was just drivin' down the road, mindin' my own business, when out of nowhere this cute pink baby elephant popped up on the road. I didn't want to hurt no poor baby elephant, so I hit the brakes and tried to turn away too quickly. My truck flipped over, and I barely made it out alive. But the darndest thing is when I looked around for the baby elephant, it was gone!"

The TV switched back to the anchorman. "Police have yet to verify whether or not the driver was under the influence while driving. We'll have more news at eleven. Thank you for your time, and we'll now return to the regularly scheduled program."

The football game came back on. Thoughtfully, Jumba drank another can of soda. "Sounds like the work of Experiment 138."

"Which one is that?" asked Stitch.

"Roadblock experiment. Has limited invisibility power to blend in with road. Is programmed to sit on galactic highways invisibly, then seem to appear out of nowhere when vehicle approaches. Vehicle swerves out of way, crashes, causing pileups, gridlocks, and MASS CHAOS!" He laughed evilly and drank some more soda.

Lilo got out of her seat. "Then we've gotta go stop him before he causes anymore accidents or Gantu catches him! Come on Stitch, let's go!"

"Okay." He got up and followed Lilo.

Pleakley frowned. "Wait, you're supposed to be-" The door opening and slamming shut interrupted him. "Grounded," he finished lamely.

Outside, Lilo jumped into the jeep and buckled her seatbelt. "Okay Stitch, floor it!" Stitch turned the ignition, pressed down on the accelerator, and eased out of the driveway very slowly. Lilo frowned. "Stitch, this isn't flooring it!" Stitch started to open his mouth. "Wait, don't tell me: it's against your religion to drive over the speed limit?" He nodded. Lilo groaned and leaned back in her seat. "This is gonna take a while." 

An hour of slow driving later, they finally reached the Turnpike. Authorities were rerouting traffic down another lane, so didn't notice Stitch park the jeep off road. "Okay Stitch, is he still here?" asked Lilo.

Stitch looked around with his thermal vision. He immediately spotted a set of huge footprints leading into the jungle. "I'm afraid we're too late. Gantu has him."

Lilo groaned. "This would never have happened if you hadn't waited twenty minutes for that frog to move out of the way."

Stitch frowned. "What did you expect me to do, run him over?"

"You could have honked the horn."

He shook his head. "That would have been rude and inconsiderate."

"All the other drivers were honking at US to get out of the way." She argued.

"Yes, and that was very rude and inconsiderate of them, wasn't it?" Stitch pointed out.

Lilo sighed. "We don't have time for this. Let's find Gantu and get back Pinky before it's too late!"

Stitch raised an eyebrow. "'Pinky'?"

Lilo shrugged. "Best name I could come up with. Let's go!" They followed the giant tracks and soon caught up with Gantu, who was carrying the newly named Pinky in a glass capsule on his back. "Stop right there, Big Dummy!"

Gantu whirled around and saw his archenemies. He moaned. "Come on, can't you just let me go without a fight this time? My back still hurts from when you made my plasma gun backfire!"

Lilo smirked. "Well, I'm afraid it's just gonna get worse. Stitch, get Pinky back!"

"Okay." Stitch walked up to Gantu. "Do you think you could please give back my cousin?"

Gantu and Lilo stared at him in surprise. "Um…no?" Gantu said, confused.

Stitch frowned. "Are you sure?"

Gantu regained his composure. "Er, yes, I'm sure. You can't have him."

Stitch sighed. "Oh well." He walked back to Lilo. "I tried."

"But…but…you didn't even fight him! You said your religion allowed violence!" the confused Lilo stuttered as the equally confused Gantu lumbered off.

Stitch nodded. "It does."

"So why didn't you fight him and get Pinky back?"

"Because that would be stealing," he said sagely.

Lilo stared at him blankly. "Huh?"

"Gantu reached Pinky and claimed him before we did. To take him without permission would be stealing. And stealing is, of course, a sin," Stitch lectured.

Lilo tried to keep her frustration in check. "Does that mean we're not going to sneak into Gantu's ship and rescue Pinky before he gets teleported to Hamsterviel?"

"That's right. Not only would that be stealing, it would be invasion of private property."

Lilo rolled her eyes. "Do you even care that poor Pinky's probably gonna be tortured and experimented on like the other cousins we've lost?"

Stitch nodded sadly. "Of course I care. I am regretful that I could do nothing more to save him." He shrugged. "Oh well. Maybe we'll have better luck next time."

As they walked back to the jeep, Lilo decided something was very wrong with Stitch. She resolved to make a voodoo doll when she got home and try to use it to change Stitch back to normal.

625, Gantu's lazy, cowardly, all around useless sandwich-eating sidekick stared at the giant in disbelief. "I don't believe it. You actually snagged an experiment."

Gantu frowned as he placed the terrified Pinky's capsule on a large pad. "You say that as if I've never caught one before."

"You've caught plenty, but none recently or without a decent fight from my cousin. What, did you get this one while he was sleeping or something?"

Gantu puffed out his chest in pride as a large glass dome was lowered over the pad by a machine on the ceiling. "I'll have you know that the little trog was so scared of me he actually _asked_ me to give him 138. I guess he's finally realized who the superior being is."

625 didn't buy it. "Yeah, sure, and maybe the Grand Councilwoman will call and give you your old job back."

Gantu scowled. "I'm serious! Bah, why am I wasting time talking to you? I have a paycheck to collect!"

He approached a console and pressed a few buttons. A huge viewscreen turned on, displaying the visage of Gantu's boss, the most nefarious villain to terrorize the galaxy in over a hundred years, Doctor Jaques van Hamsterviel. "Gantu! What is it this time, you smelly overgrown bipedal trout? Don't tell me you've actually captured another experiment!"

"In fact, I have," Gantu said, pointing to poor Pinky. "Experiment 138, ready for delivery Doctor."

"Hmmph. 138? The roadblock experiment? Well, I'm sure I can find SOME use for him…like a punching bag for my army to test their fighting skills on! Bwahahaha!" Pinky trembled like a leaf, frightened out of his poor little car-crashing mind. "Send him over immediately!"

"At once, sir." Gantu walked over to a console next to the domed pad and pressed a few buttons.

The large machine attached to the glass dome began to hum. "Teleportation sequence initiated," said a computerized voice. "Teleporting in 3…2…1…" Pinky squeezed his eyes shut, not wanting the next thing he saw to be the Hell he would spend the rest of his days in.

All of a sudden, the machine started shaking and spitting sparks. Smoke started spewing from seams on its side as the countdown halted. "What's going on?!" bellowed Hamsterviel.

"Blitznag, the teleporter must be malfunctioning!" said Gantu, shielding his eyes from the bright flashes of light emanating from the teleporter.

"Warning: Fatal malfunction detected. Teleportation sequence disengaged," said the computer, late as always.

There was an explosion, and a huge chunk of the teleporter was blasted into the wall. Coughing and blowing away the smoke billowing from the ruined machine, Gantu peered inside the teleporter to see what had caused the malfunction. To his surprise, there was a blackened rectangular object lodged between a very important power coupling. He pulled it out, nearly getting shocked by the coupling in the process. "What was this doing in there?!"

"Oh, so _that's_ where I left my peanut butter and banana sandwich! I've been looking all over for that thing!" said 625.

Gantu growled in anger and was about to pummel his sidekick when Hamsterviel intervened. "You lame-brained irritating obese good-for-nothing oaf! You've ruined everything!"

"Same to you, Doc," 625 said irreverently, grabbing the burnt sandwich from Gantu and munching on it.

Hamsterviel turned his wrath on Gantu. "Gantu, I want that teleporter back up and running as soon as possible!"

Gantu nodded. "It'll probably take a few weeks for replacement parts to get here, but I'll order them immediately. It shouldn't take too long to fix the teleporter after that."

"It had better not, or I will cut your salary in half AGAIN. And if you lose THIS experiment, I will cut it into quarters! And one more thing: I expect you to discipline 625 better! A good evil lackey is one that listens to his master, though I'm not really surprised by his behavior seeing as how he has YOU for an example." The evil hamster-like genius signed off.

Grumbling under his breath, Gantu went to his computer and began the lengthy process to order new parts for the teleporter. Looking amused, 625 waddled over. "Looks like you're in the troghouse again, Ganster. Welp, I'd love to stay and watch you sink deeper and deeper into failure, but I've got sandwiches to make."

Gantu grabbed 625 by the back of his neck. "Oh no you don't! The doctor is absolutely right, I should discipline you better! As punishment for breaking the teleporter, no food for a week!"

625's jaw dropped. "That-that's inhumane! I'll starve to death!"

Gantu snorted. "Don't be ridiculous, you Experiments can survive for months without eating! It wouldn't hurt to put you on a diet anyway, you're getting far too fat for my liking."

625 put an indignant expression on his face. "I'll have you know my gut is solid muscle, fish-breath!"

"Oh really?" Gantu poked 625's belly. It wiggled like Jell-O, causing 625 to giggle uncontrollably. "I believe I've made my point." He tossed 625 at the teleporter's glass dome. "Take Experiment 138 to the cargo bay. That should hold him until the parts arrive."

"And if I refuse?" said 625 defiantly.

"Then no food for a month."

The sandwich-crazy experiment's face paled. "I'll be good," he whimpered. He raised the glass dome and picked up the capsule with Pinky in it. Before he could hop into the elevator to the cargo bay, he threw one last crack at Gantu. "You know, there's no way you can hold onto this guy long enough for the teleporter parts to get here. I bet 626 and that human pet of his will bust in here any minute now, grab 138, and leave you to explain to Hamsterviel how you lost ANOTHER experiment."

Gantu grinned sinisterly. "Oh, somehow I don't think so 625. Something tells me we won't be having any more trouble from Experiment 626."

And so the plot thickens. Wait until you see what happens NEXT time!


	5. Stitch's Choice

I'm glad you're all putting up with me so far. I hope you continue to enjoy this story. Read on!

Over the next couple of weeks, only a few events of real interest occurred. Lilo's attempts to cure Stitch with a voodoo doll were all for naught, since Stitch destroyed the doll before she could finish it and replaced it with a Ken doll to keep Barbie company. Lilo ended up shoving Ken up Mertle's other nostril at school the next day, resulting in another suspension, grounding, and a second possible lawsuit looming over the horizon. Jumba had begun to think that there was something wrong with Stitch's programming and attempted to analyze him to find out what was wrong. Unfortunately, Stitch escaped from the analyzer and claimed invasive scans were against his religion. Nani still hadn't gotten her raise. (By the way, could anyone tell me what exactly her job is? I know she works for Keoni's dad, but that's about it.) Pleakley…was Pleakley. 'Nuff said. Angel was extremely depressed after being dumped by Stitch and hadn't left the theatre for weeks. Her fellow actors kept sharp objects away from her, just in case she attempted suicide. All the other reformed experiments were somewhat worried about how their cool blue cousin was acting, but stayed out of the mess.

While life was going somewhat downhill at the Pelekai's, things were looking up at Gantu's ship. Due to Stitch's new obsession with safe driving and his refusal to fight Gantu over experiments, the shark-headed alien had captured approximately a hundred experiments with relatively little difficulty. His old confidence, pride, and arrogance had returned, leading him to pull his old Supreme Order-Bringer of the Universe costume out of mothballs and strut around in it all day. Hamsterviel was in a very uncomfortable position, because he was having more and more difficulty finding faults in Gantu, and was seriously considering giving him a raise. 625 was also starting to develop severe cramps from the rigorous sidekick training Gantu had forced upon him. He spent most of his free time torturing the prisoners by eating sandwiches in front of them and not offering them any.

Gantu, wearing his flashy duds, entered the cargo bay and flipped on the light switch. The sudden change in lighting temporarily blinded the numerous experiments encapsulated on a large rack at the back of the chamber. The ex-captain pulled three capsules off of his back and placed them in some of the few empty spaces remaining on the rack. One looked like a living pile of rocks, another was a three-eyed purple blob that oozed acid across its prison with no effect, and the last one was reminiscent of a big dodo. Gantu smirked at their misery and activated the nearby communications link.

Hamsterviel appeared on the big screen. "What is it now?" he grumbled. "I was about to complete some of the special enhancements I've been making to my soldiers!"

"My apologies, sir. I was just calling to report the capture of Experiments 605, 402 and 051. That brings the total number of experiments to one hundred and one," he said, gesturing to the capsules on the wall.

"Excellent! As soon as they are in my grasp, I can finally begin my campaign of galactic conquest!" said the evil rodent eagerly. Then he frowned. "Speaking of which, when _will_ I receive them?"

Gantu shrugged. "The teleporter parts are still en route. I expect their arrival anytime now."

At that moment, 625 poked his head into the room. "Hey Gantu-"

Gantu scowled and crossed his arms. "Ahem."

625 sighed and rolled his eyes. "Hey _Supreme Order-Bringer of the Universe,_ a package just arrived for you. I think it's the replacement teleporter parts."

The shark-headed alien was pleased. "Ah, excellent. I should have those experiments sent to your lab within the hour, doctor."

Hamsterviel grunted. "See that you do. And maybe we'll talk about a raise after those 101 experiments are mine!" The communication ended.

Elated, Gantu headed for the door. "625, watch the prisoners while I'm gone. I'm going to fix the teleporter."

"You do that." Bored, 625 leaned against a wall and started eating a sandwich. The imprisoned experiments looked longingly at the food, drooling hungrily.

Gantu marched outside the ship, where a large crate bearing the mark of the Intergalactic Postal Service sat on a rock. He smirked. _It's amazing how much things have improved in the last few weeks,_ he thought as he picked up the crate and started back for the ship. _I would never have done this well if 626 hadn't just given up fighting me!_

He chuckled as he placed the crate next to the teleporter. "It's almost like the little trog _wants _me to have his cousins!" He started to laugh when a horrible thought struck him. All of the confidence he had developed recently was immediately stripped away as he rushed to a computer terminal and pressed several buttons, aiming his plasma gun at the crate. "Computer, scan that crate for any lifeforms!"

"One lifeform detected."

Gantu immediately opened fire, blasting the crate with dozens of plasma bolts. It exploded, scattering wrecked machine parts as well as the corpse of a Blorchian asteroid rat across the room. Pushing aside the knowledge that he had just destroyed his much-needed spare parts, Gantu turned to the computer again. "Computer, scan the entire ship. How many lifeforms are on board?"

"One hundred and three lifeforms detected."

Gantu relaxed slightly. "Good, he's not on board…but that doesn't mean he won't be!" He raced down to the cargo hold. "625, stop eating that sandwich! We have work to do!"

"Huh?" 625 asked dumbly.

"That little abomination has been playing me for a fool all along! Oh, he thinks he's _clever_ with that 'I don't want to steal from you', act, but I'm not falling for it! You have to get up pretty early in the morning to pull one over on Captain Gantu!"

625 stared at him in confusion. "Huh?"

Gantu growled and slowly explained, as if to a child. "626 has deceived us. He's pretending not to want to fight me to lure me into a false sense of security. The moment I let my guard down, he'll strike and release all of the experiments I've collected." He chuckled. "But I'm too smart for him. Come on! We're going to have to fortify the ship! When he comes here, he'll be in for the surprise of his life!" He picked up 625 and headed for the elevator.

"Hey, I wasn't done with my sandwich!" 625 protested.

"You can finish it later. We must defend the ship!"

As they passed through the bridge on the way to the armory, 625 saw the destroyed crate of machine parts. "Hey, did you wreck those teleporter parts? Ooh boy, you're gonna be in trouble when the doc finds out!"

Gantu stopped as the full horror of his earlier actions dawned on him. "Oh blitznag, the teleporter! I said it would be fixed in an hour!" His mind raced and quickly came up with a plausible solution. "If he calls, I'll just say the parts were defective. I'd better order a new shipment."

He dropped 625 and headed to a computer terminal. Before he could log on to the Net, the spherical experiment detector beeped. "Warning! Experiment 451 activated. Primary function: Poison." The machine popped open, showing a detailed hologram of a large purple snake with long red fangs, gold stripes, red and black eyes, and a few pairs of small claws.

Gantu looked worried. "Blitznag! I can't go out now. I have to stay here and fortify the ship. If 626 gets in while I'm out and frees all the other experiments, Hamsterviel will kill me!"

625 was very amused. "And if you don't go out and capture 451, Hamsterviel will kill you anyway. Tough luck, fish face."

Gantu looked down at 625, getting a brilliant idea. "Wait a minute…_I_ can't afford to go out there, but you can!"

625 blinked. "Who, me?"

"Yes! It's time to see if all that training I've been giving you was worth the effort. Go out and capture 451!"

625 frowned and crossed his arms. "And what if I don't want to capture 451? Maybe I'm scared of getting poisoned!"

"Then no food, television, OR Space Porn for a month."

625 paled. "I'll be good." He grabbed a glass capsule and waddled out of the ship as fast as he could. Gantu placed his order and headed to the armory. If 626 thought he could pull the wool over his eyes, then he had another thing coming!

Some time later, Lilo and Stitch arrived at the coffee shop (Having heard that a large snake had been sighted in the area) and found 625 waiting, munching on a sandwich at one of the tables. Experiment 451 was trapped in a capsule lying against the side of 625's chair, longing for her freedom. 625 looked up as they arrived. "Oh, hey cuz'. You're a bit late, already got 451 all by myself." He patted the serpent's capsule. The snake hissed at him through the glass.

"How did you capture her?" Lilo asked, finding it hard to believe 625 had succeeded at anything other than sandwiches for once.

The experiment's chest puffed out with pride. "I'll have you know there's more to this bread-scarfing doofus than meets the eye. Just because I don't use my super powers all the time doesn't mean I can't. 451 had no chance against me!"

"You caught her while she was sleeping, didn't you?" Lilo accused.

"…Yes," he admitted. "But she was snoring really loudly. My ears are still hurting a little." He picked some wax from one of his ears and finished his sandwich. "Well, lunch break's over. Better get this baby back to the ship. I'll tell Gantu you said hi."

As 625 picked up the capsule and started walking away, Lilo turned to Stitch. "I don't suppose you'll steal just this once?"

He shook his head. "I cannot."

"Then it's a good thing I packed lunch." She pulled a sandwich out of her backpack and ran after 625. "Hey Sandwich Boy, if you give me 451 you can have this sandwich."

625 paused. "What kind is it?"

"Peanut butter."

"No jelly?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Just plain peanut butter."

625 thought for a minute. "Hmm. Not the most elegant of sandwiches, but simplicity isn't always a bad thing." He rubbed his belly. "It's a good thing for you I'm still hungry. You've got a deal." They traded, and 625 waddled away, nibbling on his snack.

"Great job, Lilo!" said Stitch as he came over. "Now give her to me so I can destroy her."

Lilo blinked. "What?"

"I have to destroy her. She's a servant of the devil." Stitch explained.

Lilo stared at him in confusion. "Scales can't be a servant of the devil, she's just an experiment."

Stitch groaned. "You've already named her. Great, now you're going to feel attached to her and make things difficult."

Lilo hugged the capsule defensively. "What makes you think she's a servant of the devil?"

"She's a snake." Stitch said matter-of-factly.

"…So?"

"Serpents are tools of the devil. They are made in her image to spread evil throughout the world and corrupt mankind. By killing 451, we can stop her before she destroys us," Stitch explained.

"But Jumba made Scales, not the devil. That means she can't be a tool of the devil," Lilo protested. "And besides, she's o'hana. That means we _can't_ kill her. She's family!"

"If she is a tool of the devil, she's not a member of my family." Stitch said coldly.

"But she's not a tool of the devil! She's not even a real snake, she just looks a lot like one!" she argued.

"Even if she isn't a real snake, she looks too much like one for my comfort. It would be safer to destroy her than let her live. Please give her to me." He reached for the capsule.

Lilo backed away. "I'm not going to give her to me. And I know you can't take her without my permission, 'cause that would be stealing!" she said triumphantly.

"Those rules are suspended when dealing with a tool of the devil." He grabbed one end of the capsule.

Before Stitch could pull it from her, Lilo popped open the capsule's top. "Run, Scales! Get away before he kills you!"

Scales needed no prompting, and immediately slithered out of the capsule. Stitch cursed, dropped the capsule, and ran after the serpent as she slid away. He chased her under several tables, bumping customers and causing the Sunburned Tourist to drop his ice cream cone, until Scales squeezed her body into a crack in the ground. Stitch made a grab for her tail, but she pulled it into the earth and vanished. Furious, Stitch returned to Lilo. "Why did you do that?! Now she's free to work her evil on the island!"

Lilo was not in a mood to be scolded. She had finally had enough. "Stitch, I've had it up to here with this religion of yours! I didn't do anything when you forbade me to see Mr. Pudge or play with voodoo dolls. I didn't do anything when you broke up with Angel just so you could become a big shot priest or something. I didn't do anything even when you refused to lift a finger to stop Gantu from capturing our cousins. But this is too much! You wanted to kill a member of our family just because she looked like a snake! I'm sick and tired of you acting like this all the time! I just want the old Stitch back," She said, starting to beg. "Please Stitch. Can't you forget about stupid Ban-Kar and go back to normal? I want us to be a family again."

Stitch looked at her in surprise. "You're asking me to give up my religion? After all it's done to help me mentally and spiritually? You want me to turn my back on all that just so I can be _normal_? A part of your little family again? Are you really that selfish?"

"Stitch, I-"

"You're asking me to _choose_? You want me to choose between my religion and my family? Is that what you're telling me?"

Lilo screwed up her courage. "Yes. What's it going to be, Stitch? Ban-Kar or O'hana? You have to choose one, because you can't have both."

Stitch shrugged. "Fine. I choose Ban-Kar."

Lilo was shocked. This was not the answer she had been hoping for. "But…but why?"

"Because I see now you were only holding me back. And if I am to be a true follower of Ban-Kar, I must be free of all ties to my old life." He shook his head. "I'm part of a new family now, one offering me far more than you ever could. Goodbye, Lilo. I hope that someday you realize that I've made the right decision. If you ever feel the need to apologize or repent, look for me at the Church of Ban-Kar. That is my true home now."

With that, Stitch walked away. And poor Lilo was left all alone as her world shattered around her.

Well, that was a sad chapter. Any reviews or comments are welcome. I don't mind if you flame, I'm sure I deserve it.


	6. Jumba's Choice

I'm glad you all stuck with me after what happened last chapter. This one shouldn't take very long.

***

__

Diary of Dr. Jumba Jookiba

IF YOU ARE NOT BEING ME, GO AWAY

Data log entry # 318669-0325

The world is coming to an end.

At least, that is what I was thinking (Despite the lack of any telltale signs such as volcanic eruptions, earthquakes, or tidal waves) when Little Girl came home in tears two weeks ago, saying that 626 had abandoned us for his new religion.

Needless to say, I was shocked. Although his deep obsession with this new religion of his had been unanticipated and unwanted by all, I originally wrote off his peculiar behavior as some large error in programming that I was intending to correct the next time he was asleep (Too bad I never got the chance.).

But I could not be believing that he would just leave_ us. Is one thing to join stupid religion and force his irritating beliefs on us, but is another for him to just cut all ties to us and go away. At least when he was preaching the laws of Ban-Kar, he saw us as his family. And now he is casting us off like flake of dead skin or clipped toenail. I fear the error, if indeed it is just being that, runs far deeper in 626's consciousness than I could ever have imagined. And now that he is gone, I believe our fragile little o'hana is falling apart._

626 was constant in all our lives, whether we were appreciating him or not. Now, all of us are suffering deeply from his absence.

Surfer Boy David has nobody to surf with in his free time. Is spending more and more time at household, trying to score date with Big Girl. Unfortunately, she is never in so he is often occupying himself by talking to me. Very annoying.

Speaking of which, Big Girl is rarely in as well. She has been spending more and more time at work. She claims she is just trying to secure her pay raise, but I am seeing through her feeble web of deceit. She is staying out because household no longer seems as warm and inviting as it used to be.

It is too quiet in the house. Pleakley has mentioned this to me often during his many cleaning patrols. The sound of laughter, smashing, and things breaking on the floor that usually followed Little Girl and 626 wherever they went is no longer here. Although Pleakley was always complaining about the messes they made, it was being quite obvious to me that he is secretly loving to clean them up. After all, what is a neat freak without a mess to clean? With no broken glass or furniture to fix up, Pleakley has been finding himself with far too much free time. He is seeing dirt and germs everywhere he goes, and is never about without a can of cleansing fluid, goggles, or tissue boxes to wear on his feet. He has cleaned the house so many times now the kitchen is shining brightly enough to hurt the eyes. Whenever he is not cleaning, he is trying to sew replacement clothes for the ones 626 threw out. He has already been making enough to fill all the closets in the house twice, and half the space in the attic.

As for me, while I have completed my cure for AIDS and at least half a dozen new experiments which will hopefully remain hidden forever, I find I am missing the times when Little Girl or 626 came to me for help with capturing a difficult experiment or some other juvenile project. They were always welcome distractions from my work. I am having to invent my own diversions to keep from getting so absorbed in what I am doing that I am forgetting to eat, sleep, or perform regular hygiene (Just like when I was making early experiments. I am always wondering if I would still be married to ex-wife if I had not been in such an obsessive state of mind.).

I am missing 626 for other reasons, though. I have always felt very close to him. He is being my greatest experiment (Even better than 627, even if he is much more powerful) and almost like son I am never having. For him to betray us like this…it is hurting. It is hurting a lot. 

And as for Little Girl…I am worrying about her. She has rarely left her room for any reason during the last two weeks. Any attempts to talk to her are like speaking to brick wall. I should know, I actually did that several years ago. (I was drunk, thought it was ex-wife. Long story) She barely eats, she barely sleeps, and I am always hearing her crying at night. (Note to self: Make ceiling soundproof.) 

I recently talked with 221 when he came over a couple of days ago for a checkup. Said he went to see if 624 was all right. I am not surprised to hear she is exhibiting symptoms identical to Little Girl's, 626 was most important male in both their lives after all. I am a little more worried about 624 though, seeing as she is more mature than Little Girl is and may consider taking her life to end the pain. (I certainly hope not, attending a funeral after all that's been going on might tear us all apart forever.) 221 also mentioned he went to give 626 a piece of his mind after he heard what he's been doing recently to us, but 626 would not even give him a second glance when he found out 221 was not interested in joining Ban-Kar. 221 is worried, and I am surely correct in believing all the other experiments are as well. If 626, who has been an idol and role model to all of them, would turn his back on his own family and join a ridiculous religion because he thinks it is more fulfilling than we are, do they have much of a chance of finding true happiness in their new places in Earth society?

I have decided this is going on long enough. 626 is cause and solution of all recent problems. Something must be done to end that which is breaking apart our great extended family and repair our o'hana before it is too late. I am the only one who can stop this madness, and I will do so…

No matter what means I must be taking to accomplish this. 

***

Stitch sat in the pew, his head bowed toward the giant grotesque statue at the back of the church in prayer. He spent a good deal of his time doing this every day. The rest of his time was occupied trying to win converts to the church. He had targeted his former cousins at first, only to find they were angry and refused to listen to him for some reason. He then tried the more human members of the community, but they weren't interested either. He wasn't worried, though. Sooner or later, they would all see the error of their ways and come to Ban-Kar to save their souls. Of this, he was most certain. His ears pricked up as someone with an abnormally large foot stomped into the church. At first he thought it was Gantu, but quickly realized it couldn't be, the footfall was too small. He stayed motionless until the person stood right next to him. "626?"

Stitch immediately recognized the voice. "Jumba!" Sure that his sinful creator had finally come to his senses and was seeking to redeem his soul, Stitch whirled around to greet the scientist.

He found himself face-to-face with the barrel of a plasma cannon. Jumba fired.

***

Well, that was certainly an eerie cliffhanger wasn't it? Tune in next time, when the truth behind Stitch's actions is finally revealed!


	7. Evil shows its face

I'm surprised by all the reviews I got last chapter. Thanks a lot!

***

Gantu sat alone in the dark cargo hold, polishing a large plasma rifle obsessively while glancing around the room for any threats every five seconds. When he heard the hum of the descending elevator, he pointed his gun at the doors. They opened, and he fired, blasting the elevator with over a dozen plasma shots. After firing several rounds, he looked to see if anything remained in the elevator. 625 stumbled out, face pale, carrying a tray with a cup of coffee and a sandwich on it. "H-here's the breakfast you wanted."

Gantu glared at his sidekick suspiciously. "How do I know you're the real 625?"

625 blinked, regaining his composure. "Who else would I be, you big tub of lard?"

Reassured, Gantu grabbed the tray. Just as he was about to drink the coffee, he paused. He grabbed one of the capsules from the wall, opened it, and poured some coffee into the mouth of the experiment inside. As the little monster immediately started shaking wildly and bouncing off the narrow walls of its confinement due to the caffeine, Gantu placed it back on the shelf and drank the coffee. He grabbed the sandwich, hesitated, and then ripped off a chunk and offered it to another experiment. The starved captive ate it and fell asleep immediately. "AHA!" Gantu dropped the sandwich and pointed his plasma rifle at 625's nose. "I knew it! You laced that sandwich with sleeping drugs, didn't you?"

625 quivered and held his hands up non-threateningly. "H-hey, what else was I supposed to do? You haven't slept in over a week! You're spending every waking hour guarding the experiments, and you drink nothing but coffee to make sure every hour IS a waking hour! As your sidekick, I think I'm supposed to do something if you start depriving yourself of sleep and making yourself all crazy, it ain't healthy!"

"I'm not crazy!" Gantu protested.

"Oh really? Then why are you wearing that aluminum foil on your head?"

"To protect my brain from that abomination's mind scans, of course!" Gantu said, shifting his eyes around the cargo hold. Then he spun around and blasted a tiny spider creeping on the wall several feet away. "Ha! That's the twelfth spy drone I've destroyed, he's got to run out sooner or later!" he said triumphantly. 625 slowly backed away from the shark-headed alien, convinced the former captain had finally lost his mind.

A communications screen switched on, showing Hamsterviel. "Gantu! Have those teleporter parts arrived yet? I am getting most impatient with you!"

Gantu immediately stood to attention. "Sir, the parts arrived yesterday."

"Then why have you not sent me my experiments already?!" Hamsterviel bellowed.

"Because he thinks the instant he beams one of them over to you, 626 will use some crazy gadget to disrupt the teleporter and redirect the experiment to some other place," 625 piped up.

Hamsterviel snorted. "That's absurd! It's completely impossible to intercept a specimen in mid-teleport with anything less than a black hole! I should know, I've tried it. Now cease with all this foolishness and give me my experiments!"

"Wait a minute…" said Gantu suspiciously. "How do I know you're the real Dr. Hamsterviel?"

The rodent was taken aback. "What are you talking about, you insipid waste of air and brain cells? Of course I'm Hamsterviel! Who else would I be?"

"You could be 626 in a clever disguise, trying to fool me!" He pointed his plasma rifle at the screen. "Tell me something only the real Hamsterviel would know! What's your real name?"

Hamsterviel spluttered. "What do you think you are doing?! That's private! Are you TRYING to make me angry?"

"Answer the question!"

Hamsterviel gritted his teeth. "Gantu, I am warning you…"

"Aha! You can't answer me because you don't know Hamsterviel's real name! Nice try trog, but nothing gets past Captain Gantu!" He fired, blowing up the screen. "There, that should throw him off for a while. 625, make me another sandwich! One without sleeping drugs this time!" He holstered his rifle over his shoulder and started patrolling around the room. 625 shook his head and went back upstairs, wondering if maybe he should quit being Gantu's sidekick and join a somewhat saner super villain.

***

Hamsterviel glared at the static-filled communications screen, eye twitching. A blood vessel throbbed on his forehead, looking ready to burst. He clenched the side of his chair, digging deep grooves into its metallic surface. "GANTU!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

In their cages, Hamsterviel's experiments cowered. They just knew he was going to take it out on them.

***

"Lilo." The young girl wouldn't respond. "Lilo. Come on, I know you can hear me." Lilo said nothing. "Lilo?" Angel waved her hand in front of Lilo's eyes. She stared right through it at the ceiling. Angel sighed. "Fine. Guess I'll have to do this the hard way." She grabbed Lilo and started carrying her to the elevator.

At this, the little girl finally reacted. "Hey, what're you doing?!"

"Jumba wants to show you something. I think it'll do you a world of good. It made me feel a lot better, so it should work for you too." 

They descended to the second floor of the house and went into Jumba's room. Once there, Angel finally put Lilo down, allowing her to see what she had been brought down for. She gaped. "What's _he_ doing here?" she asked angrily, pointing to the unconscious Stitch who was hooked up to a ring-shaped machine linked to Jumba's computer.

"Tell her what you told me," Angel prompted Jumba.

He nodded and input some things into his computer. "I decided I was having enough of all this depression caused by stupid religion, so I abducted 626 to find out what was wrong with him and fix it. Was easy enough to stun him with plasma cannon, but I was not expecting priests to be packing M-16's. I barely made it out." He shuddered at the thought. "I brought him back here and performed a scan, taking advantage of his unconsciousness. I thought there was a problem with his programming, but what I was finding was much worse."

"What did you find?" Lilo asked, her curiosity piqued.

Jumba turned his computer around, showing Lilo a screen with what looked like two different waves scrolling across it. "626 is having no error in programming whatsoever. What he _is_ having is two brainwave patterns."

"…So?"

"Little Girl, every living thing in universe has only ONE unique brainwave pattern. Even entities with more than one brain are still having single brainwave pattern. So if all things, including experiments, are having single brainwaves, why is 626 having two?" Jumba asked, raising a few eyebrows. "The answer is being simple: there is a second consciousness with different brainwave pattern in 626's head. This second consciousness has superseded all normal functions of 626's brain and taken over his body for itself. In other words, mind control!"

"So…it's not Stitch's fault that he's done all these bad things?" Lilo asked, suddenly understanding.

"Exactly!"

"But then who's controlling Stitch? Hamsterviel?" Lilo guessed.

Jumba shook his head. "Doubtful. Although he would be loving to be doing something like this, I doubt he would be capable of doing it right now, what with being in jail and lacking any access to technology that could project consciousness into 626's mind."

"But if it's not Hamsterviel, then who is it?" Lilo asked.

Jumba shrugged. "Could be one of my mind-control experiments. Although I cannot be remembering any of their brainwaves looking quite like this one…"

"I think we're about to find out. He's waking up," said Angel.

And so he was. Stitch groaned and opened his eyes. He blinked, noticing the glares he was getting from the room's other three occupants and the machine he was attached to. He growled at Jumba. "What did you do to me?!"

Jumba waved a hand nonchalantly. "Oh, relax. It was just a harmless little scan. Didn't do anything…except tell us you're not 626!"

Stitch concealed his look of surprise with one of confusion. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Don't bother lying to us, the scans tell all!" said Jumba, pointing at the waves on the computer screen. "The jig is being up, we know you are not really 626."

Stitch narrowed his eyes. "…Fine. You're right, I'm not Stitch."

"Then who are you? Another experiment?" asked Lilo.

Stitch shook his head. "No. I am Ban-Kar."

They all looked at him skeptically. "The god? What are you doing inside my experiment?" asked Jumba, pointing his plasma cannon at Stitch.

"Stitch read my holy book in a single day and then ate it. That fulfilled some of the requirements that allow me to possess an individual and walk about the mortal plane. His body should help me to fulfill my mission in this world."

"And what would that be?" asked Jumba, still holding the plasma cannon.

"To enlighten all people of the world and save their souls from fiery damnation."

Jumba frowned. "In other words, world domination."

Stitch shrugged as best he could. "If you wish to reduce it to simpler terms, yes."

"I am afraid I cannot be letting you do that." Jumba started to pull the trigger. Just as he fired, Stitch ripped free from the scanner, avoiding the shot and destroying the bed. Before anyone could stop him, he ran towards the end of the room and jumped through the window, shattering it and falling to the ground outside. Jumba raced over and opened fire, raining plasma bolts on the possessed experiment. Stitch dodged the barrage and ran into the forest behind the Pelekai household. "He's heading for my ship!"

"I'll stop him!" Angel jumped out the window and ran after Stitch.

Jumba grabbed Lilo. "Come on, we have to be catching up to them!" He ran outside, carrying Lilo in one hand and his cannon in the other.

They arrived at Jumba's big red spaceship a few minutes later, just in time to see Angel get kicked down the boarding ramp and onto the ground. Stitch appeared in the hatch, carrying a large cylindrical device over his shoulder and holding a few small marble-shaped objects. He was bleeding slightly from a wound on his chest where Angel must have scratched him, but he didn't seem to mind it. He jumped off the boarding ramp and ran over to his red police cruiser as Jumba opened fire again. He threw the machine into the passenger seat of the cruiser, jumped in, and turned the ignition. The ship's engines hummed and came to life, rising into the air. Jumba held his fire, not wanting to hit a fuel line and blow them all to kingdom come. "I thought you said stealing was against your religion!" Lilo yelled as the cruiser rose higher into the air.

"Not if I only do it to heathens and tools of the devil!" Stitch yelled back. Angel bounded over and leaped, trying to grab onto the ship. Stitch blasted her with a low-power shot from one of his guns, knocking her back to earth. The thrusters ignited with a roar, and the cruiser rocketed away.

They ran over to Angel, who had shakily gotten back on her feet. "624, what did he take?" Jumba asked urgently.

She groaned and shook some cobwebs out of her head. "He took one of your antigravity generators and some pods from the vault where you keep all the experiments too dangerous to be released. I'm sorry I couldn't stop him."

Jumba stroked his chin. "What could he possibly be wanting with an antigravity generator?" he wondered.

"What do we do now?" asked Lilo.

Jumba chewed his lip in thought, looking at the sky where Stitch had flown off. "Okay, here is what we are going to do," he said at last. "Little Girl, you and 624 must chase after evil god and try to put a stop to his plans. I will stay here and do research to find out how we can be exorcising spirit of Ban-Kar and returning 626 to his normal self."

Lilo nodded. "Okay. Angel, can you drive the jeep?"

"Not as well as Stitch can, but yes," Angel responded.

"Great! Then you can take us to the beach," said Lilo eagerly.

"Why the beach?" asked Angel as Lilo headed back towards the house.

"We have a cousin there who might be able to help us…"

***

Meanwhile, at a birthday party elsewhere on the island, Experiment 383 AKA "Swirly" was doing what he did best: hypnotizing people and causing them to do really embarrassing things. He locked eyes with a random partygoer. Both of their eyes degenerated into purple and black swirls. Swirly broke off and waddled away, but the partygoer's eyes remained clouded. "Act like Britney Spears!" commanded the birthday boy. The guest immediately jumped on a table and started singing "Oops, I did it again" while shaking his body parts around in a lame attempt to be seductive. Everybody laughed.

Swirly headed over to a refreshment table to get himself a cookie. As he was munching on the chocolaty snack, he thought he heard what sounded like a spaceship landing. Curious, he hopped off the table and waddled around the corner of the house, looking for whatever had made the sound. He was surprised when he bumped into Stitch. What was he doing there? Careful not to look directly into Swirly's eyes, Stitch smiled. "Hello Swirly. I was hoping you could help me with something." The hypnosis experiment tilted his head in curiosity. Stitch pulled out a mirror. Swirly saw himself in the mirror and immediately froze as his own powers were used against him, rendering him into a state where he would perform the next suggestive thing he heard. Stitch grinned sinisterly. "Excellent."

***

This doesn't look good. The evil behind Stitch's sudden change has been revealed, but can it be stopped before it takes over the world? Find out next time!


	8. Gathering Forces

Hi everyone! I'm back, and I felt like responding to a few of your comments before I started.

Charon, I don't really watch Star-Trek, but I'm happy you understand the idea.

Nukerisr, maybe you and DanMat6288 should join forces to destroy all the Ban-Kar churches in the world. That would be a good thing.

Speaking of DanMat6288, I'm glad to meet a fellow Jackie Chan enthusiast. I liked your Jinx story, by the way. Are you planning on writing any others?

Devenus, thanks for the compliments on Gantu. He'll be back soon enough.

PIcaRDMPC, Ban-Kar is not a play on 'banker'. To be honest, I was at a loss when trying to come up with the name of my own god, and this was the first thing that popped into my head. Incidentally, the two parts of Ban-Kar's name are strangely similar to the names of a couple of fancharacters I created back when I was writing for Invader Zim. Weird, huh?

Now, let's start the chapter!

***

Experiment 158 AKA Finder, sat next to the tent for his "Found" business on the beach, polishing a gold doubloon he had found earlier that day. He tossed the coin into a large pile amidst all the junk that had not yet been claimed by tourists in his tent, along with the other hundred or so doubloons he had found earlier that month. Finder had a thing for shiny stuff. He could smell quite a bit of treasure out to sea just begging to be found, but he couldn't swim at all. Something about his body being made extra-dense so it could be bulletproof or something like that. Oh well, at least he could fly, that was something. He made a note to himself to see Jumba about rigging up some kind of diving suit or submarine sometime. Then he would be the undisputed champion tracker on land, air, _and_ sea!

His giant ears perked up when he heard footsteps approaching. He looked up to see Lilo and Angel approaching. He wondered what they wanted with him, and asked them just that in Turian. Angel had to translate for Lilo, whose mastery of alien speech was still amateur at best. "Finder, Stitch has been possessed by an evil god who wants to make everybody join his stinky religion," Lilo said. "Do you think you could help us find him before he does something bad like take over the world?"

This sounded more interesting to Finder than the scavenger hunt he had planned on going to that afternoon. He nodded. "Ih."

"Great!" said Lilo happily. They all went back to the waiting jeep. Finder crawled onto the hood and sniffed the air for the scent of his blue cousin. A big flashing arrow appeared in his head, pointing somewhere to the north. He enthusiastically pointed in that direction. Angel floored the accelerator, and they were off.

When they were roughly halfway to Stitch, Finder's mental arrow suddenly changed direction. A little disoriented, he pointed that way. Without a word, Angel changed course. But then the arrow changed again, and Finder had to point in a different direction. This happened several more times, until it seemed they were going in circles. A little frustrated, Angel stopped the jeep. "Finder, are you sure you know where you're going?"

Somewhat confused, Finder checked his mental arrow. It was constantly changing direction. Suddenly, it pointed straight up. He looked up and saw Stitch race overhead in the police cruiser. "Oh, that explains it!" Lilo exclaimed. "His cruiser's a lot faster than we are! He keeps zooming all over the place, so Finder's having trouble keeping up with him!"

Angel groaned. "Great. We'll never catch him on the ground. And I doubt Finder can fly fast enough to catch up to him."

Lilo paused. "Well he can't…but maybe we can!"

"What do you mean?"

"Jumba built the jeep so it could travel in any environment, including space. It can fly almost as fast as the cruiser!"

Angel's eye twitched. "You mean we could have flown after Stitch this whole time instead of going around and around in circles? Why didn't you tell me before?!"

Lilo looked embarrassed. "Um…I kind of forgot."

Angel immediately bit her tongue to keep from cursing. It was doubtful Lilo would understand what she was saying, but she didn't want to get yelled at for corrupting the little girl's innocence. After a little trial-and-error, she found the button that converted the jeep into Flight mode, changing it into a small rocket jet. Finder quickly climbed in the window and they took off.

Thanks to the jeep's rocket boosters, they managed to catch up to Stitch just as he landed back at the beach, close to where all the weightlifters were working out. They quietly landed nearby and discretely followed Stitch as he walked through the forest of heavy weights and sweating exercisers. "What could he possibly want here?" wondered Lilo.

They soon found out as Stitch approached Experiment 601 AKA Kixx, who was performing his daily workout routine to keep his finely tuned muscles in shape. "Hey Kixx, do you have a minute?" asked Stitch. Curious, Kixx put down the barbells he was lifting. Stitch pulled out Swirly and held him in front of Kixx's face, instantly putting the bodybuilder into a hypnotic trance. "You have lived as a heathen for far too long, Kixx. It is time for you to embrace the light of Ban-Kar. Go to my church and wait with the others. Together, we will bring Earth into a new era of enlightenment and order. MY order." Kixx nodded obediently.

Lilo gasped from behind the rack of weights where they were hiding. "So that's what he's doing! He's hypnotizing an army of experiments to take over the world for him!"

"Lilo, be quiet!" Angel hissed.

It was too late. Stitch heard them. "Kixx, destroy the infidels!"

The purple powerhouse roared and leaped into the air, soaring at the trio with a flying kick. Just before he could hit them, Angel stepped forward and rammed her fist into his gut. Kixx wheezed and fell to the ground. Lilo blinked. "I didn't know you could do that."

Angel smirked. "Just because I prefer singing to fighting doesn't mean I can't do both."

Stitch growled in frustration and pressed a button on a strange device around his wrist. The police cruiser lifted off the ground and sped towards him, smashing through every exercise machine and weight rack in its path. Angel, Lilo and Finder got out of the way as the cruiser skidded to a halt next to Stitch. He leaped into the cruiser and flew into the air. As he passed overhead, he fired his plasma guns at the jeep, blasting it to smithereens. He then flew away to continue his evil plans.

Kixx groaned and got to his feet, somewhat confused. "Gabba?"

"I think he's back to normal. My punch must have snapped him out of Swirly's hypnosis," said Angel. She looked over at the smoldering wreck that had once been the jeep. "Great, we'll never catch him now."

Lilo grinned. "Maybe we don't have to. We already have an idea of what he's planning. If he's forming an army, we'll just have to make one of our own!" She turned to Finder. "Finder, find as many good cousins as you can who haven't been hypnotized and can help us out. Bring them all to the house as soon as possible. Kixx, you go with Finder and protect him in case you run into Stitch or one of his hypno-slaves. Don't let anything happen to him!" Kixx and Finder saluted. The two experiments started to run off to fulfill their mission.

"Wait!" cried Angel. They paused. "While you're at it, do you think you could find something that can help us get Stitch back to normal?" They nodded and ran off.

"We'd better head home and see what we can do to help Jumba. Hopefully, he's already found something that'll help us save Stitch." Lilo looked at the jeep wreck and sighed. "Too bad we can't drive home. Oh well, I guess I needed the exercise anyway."

Angel spotted something out of the corner of her eye. "Maybe not." She ran down the sidewalk, where Mertle was coming up on a tricycle. "Excuse me," she said, shoving her off.

"Hey, come back with my tricycle!" the obnoxious redhead screamed as Angel peddled back towards Lilo, grabbed her, and started for home.

***

Jumba was in his room, mixing chemicals in test tubes when Lilo and Angel got back. "Ah, Little Girl, 624, you're back. Any luck stopping 626?"

Lilo shook her head. "No, but we did find out what he's doing. He's using Swirly to hypnotize cousins into becoming his loyal army!"

Jumba's expression was grave. "That is not being good. Good thing I am preparing weapon to defeat Ban-Kar as we speak."

"What kind of weapon?" asked Angel.

Jumba turned from the bubbling chemicals and checked something on his computer screen. "After you left, I started looking up information on Ban-Kar. I knew science would be no help to us, so I am turning to magic instead."

"I didn't know you could do magic," said Lilo, impressed.

Jumba shrugged. "Eh, I dabbled a little before I was finding my true calling in genetics. Stopped because I was not wanting to risk loss of soul." He broke into a grin. "I was actually summoning lesser demon one time at university. It broke loose and destroyed half the campus before it could be stopped! Blamed it on lazy, no-good roommate. I am wondering what ever happened to him." He shrugged and turned his attention back to the chemicals. "Anyway, I found whole web site written by worshippers of Ban-Kar's antithesis, the serpent demon Ophis. They even had instructions for summoning her and everything. At first I was considering summoning her to this plane, but I was deciding not to. Ophis sounds like halfway decent demon from her description on the Internet, but even so, I am betting if we put her and Ban-Kar in the same room together it will result in a catastrophic battle that could destroy the planet. And that would be bad, yes?" He picked up a beaker and poured some silvery liquid into it. He shook it around and it turned orange.

"So what are you doing instead?" asked Angel.

"Found alternate method to channel demon powers to our aid. Worshipper legend speaks of a mystic blade that can be forged in times of need to strike down Ban-Kar whenever he is manifesting in this universe. It is being infused with the venom of Ophis herself, secreting a magical poison that heals the friends of the blade's wielder or kills their enemies whenever it is cutting into one or the other's flesh. It is called the Dagger of Ophis." He paused to pour the orange liquid into another beaker and swish it around, causing it to change color again. "I am attempting to recreate that magic dagger. Important part of forging dagger requires a special chemical mix that must be poured onto blade's surface to fully open connection to Ophis' realm and infuse the dagger with her power." He poured several chemicals into an empty test tube and sprinkled a little powder into it. He frowned when it turned a sickly green. "I am missing final ingredient for chemical mix. Need few drops of snake venom. I am already calling pet store, and they are out of poisonous snakes. Where can we be finding one at this time of day?"

Downstairs, the doorbell rang. Pleakley opened the door and looked outside. Then he yelled, "Lilo, some friends of yours are here!"

Angel, Jumba and Lilo came downstairs and found a whole bunch of experiments standing outside. Finder stood at the front, looking proud of himself. Lilo gave him a big hug. "Great job, Finder! I knew you could do it!"

Finder really had done a good job. He and Kixx had rounded up Topper, Slugger, Deforestator, Yang, Slushy, Dupe, the gigantic Shortstuff, Sample, Sparky, Clip, and even Bonnie and Clyde! Wait a minute…"Shouldn't you two be in jail?" Pleakley asked suspiciously.

"We broke out," said Bonnie.

"Duh," added Clyde.

"Lilo, I don't think we should trust them," muttered Angel.

Lilo frowned. "You two can help us out as long as you promise to go right back to jail after we save Stitch."

The thieves snickered. "Oh, of course we'll-snort-go back to jail," Bonnie said.

"Yeah-heh heh- thief's honor," said Clyde, trying hard not to laugh. "Ah, I'm hungry. Let's see what they've got to eat." They shoved past everyone else and went into the kitchen.

"Do not be letting them near the silverware," Jumba muttered to Pleakley. He nodded and went to keep an eye on the thieves.

Finder wasn't done yet, though. He ran outside and came back in with Scales! "Ah, Experiment 451! Where were you finding her?" asked Jumba. Finder said something in Turian. "Sleeping on rock? Bah, she was always being lazy."

Scales slithered over to Lilo and licked her cheek, then hissed something. "What did she say?" Lilo asked.

"She's thanking you for saving her from Stitch before. She wants to know how she can help us," Angel translated.

"I am knowing how she can help. Her venom is being perfect as final ingredient for magic formula. Now we can begin the dagger forging ceremony!" said Jumba eagerly.

"You found Scales when you looked for something to help change Stitch back to normal, didn't you?" asked Angel. Finder nodded. "Good boy." She kissed him on the cheek. Finder blushed a very deep red and fainted with a big smile on his face.

***

A little later, they were all assembled out in the backyard. Jumba had stripped down to his shorts and painted strange demonic symbols all over his body, making him look like a carnival tattoo man. He stood in front of a small cauldron, holding a kitchen knife. He nodded to Pleakley, who began to enthusiastically beat his hands on a pair of Congo drums. "Demon Ophis! We call upon you to receive your blessing. Grant us the use of your powers, so we may banish your eternal foe from our world again!" He raised his knife into the air. "We beg of you! Lend us your power!" All around, the normal sounds of wildlife petered off, leaving the yard eerily silent. It seemed as if the universe itself was leaning in to listen to Jumba's words. Storm clouds suddenly manifested overhead, blotting out the sun. There was a single clap of thunder, but no lightning was seen. Taking this as a good sign, Jumba continued. "Forces of Nature! We ask you to infuse this blade with your protection and power, so it can never be destroyed by any of your kin!" He held the knife over the cauldron. "Metal…to form an invincible body, untouched by any mortal failings!" He dropped the knife into the cauldron. "Fire…to rekindle the flames of hope in our hearts!" Yang crawled under the cauldron and began increasing his body temperature, venting flames from the holes on his back. The bottom of the cauldron turned red from the heat and the knife melted into a liquid mass. Jumba pushed the cauldron over with a stick, pouring the liquid metal into a specially prepared mold. "Water, Wind and Ice…to extinguish rage and preserve a cool, logical mind!" Lilo threw a bucket of water at the extra-hot metal, causing it to give off a burst of steam. Angel turned on an electric fan, blowing away the steam and beginning to cool off the metallic mass. Slushy blew on the metal with his ice breath, causing it to cool off and harden in the mold. Kixx leapt forward and pounded the metal with mallets wielded in all four hands, trying to flatten out any bumps or dents. "Wood and Earth…to draw strength from all living things!" Jumba signaled to Deforestator, who knocked down a small tree and ground it into sawdust. He sprinkled it on the metal, along with some dirt from the ground. Kixx jumped into action again, pounding the dust into the unformed blade. "Thunder…to energize the spirit!" Sparky touched his antenna to the metal and sent a strong electrical charge into it, causing it to crackle with static. The clouds above them rumbled in response. Unafraid of getting shocked, Kixx pounded the metal again with the mallets. "Light…to heal any wound!" Topper turned her light on, nearly blinding everyone. Jumba flipped on some goggles and focused the light at the metal through a magnifying glass. The blade seemed to absorb the light, much like a black hole. Jumba waved his hand, telling Topper to stop with the light, and Kixx attacked the metal once more. "And Darkness…to destroy any enemy!" Jumba took out the test tube containing the completed magic potion, now a purple so dark it was almost black, and poured it on the blade. It started sparkling. The storm clouds multiplied, growing darker and darker. Jumba delicately pulled the blade from the mold and held it over one of Lilo's Barbie dolls, which had been 'volunteered' for the role of virgin sacrifice. A small packet of blood had been taped to the doll's chest, right over where the heart would be. "Ophis, Nature, we offer you this blood sacrifice in exchange for your blessings! Accept it now, and seal our bargain!" He drove the dagger into the doll's heart; popping the packet and spilling blood everywhere. The blood then crept back up the doll's body, getting sucked into the blade. The dagger started glowing bright red. A lightning bolt shot down from the sky, striking the blade. There was a great flash of purple light, and what sounded like the hissing of a million snakes.

***

Stitch shuddered. "That's odd…why do I suddenly feel that something is very wrong?"

***

Jumba took off his goggles. He noticed the storm clouds had vanished as mysteriously as they had appeared. "It is complete," he whispered. Slowly, almost reverently, he walked over to the pile of ash that had once been Barbie and extracted the dagger from the ground. It was beautiful. The blade itself was double-edged, with one side cut into saw teeth. A serpent was carved into the flat of the dagger that glowed an eerie purple. The hilt was small and silvery, with a hissing snake head for a pommel. The crosspiece connecting the blade with the hilt was marked with an orange stone that looked like a snake's eye. Everyone looked at it with awe. Jumba handed the weapon to Angel. "624, you must be the one to wield this blade and use it to defeat Ban-Kar!"

Angel was stunned. "Why me?"

"Dagger of Ophis has best effect in female hands. I am not trusting it with 149 (She would no doubt be selling it on black market), 177's claws are too long to hold it, 451's arms are too weak, and Big Girl would be killing me if she found out I was letting Little Girl use demonic weapon. Therefore, that leaves only you." He shrugged. "Besides, you are closest Experiment we have in skill and power to 626. You have best chance of freeing him."

Angel stared at the blade apprehensively. "So how would I do this? I thought you said the dagger was poisonous, wouldn't I be hurting both Stitch and Ban-Kar if I stabbed him with it?"

Jumba shook his head. "Dagger has limited intelligence. It is sensing your connection with 626 and thus its venom will do no harm to him. Ban-Kar, on the other hand, it is instinctively recognizing as an enemy. Poison will heal any of 626's wounds and drive Ban-Kar's spirit from his mind forever. In fact, if you were stabbing any of us, I am doubting it would hurt at all. Not that I am saying you should test it on us, of course," he added quickly. Angel nodded and tied the dagger to her waist with a small piece of rope. Jumba started wiping off his mystic tattoos with a towel.

"Okay, we have a weapon, and we have an army. I think we're ready to take on Ban-Kar!" said Lilo.

Jumba nodded. "Yes! Let us be kicking deity patookie!" They all cheered at this.

***

Half an hour later, they were all assembled outside of the Ban-Kar church. Jumba was armed with a plasma cannon, and even Pleakley had come, saying he wanted to do something exciting for a change. The whole group looked very imposing and serious, as if they were about to storm the Gates of Hell. In a way, they were. "Is everyone ready?" asked Lilo. They all nodded. "In that case, CHARGE!"

Screaming battle cries, they all ran towards the front doors of the church. Without warning, the building started to shake, stopping them in their tracks. The ground around the church started cracking open, separating the building from the different churches next door to it. To everyone's amazement, the entire church started rising into the air at a phenomenal rate. Jumba blinked all four of his eyes. "Ohhhh…so THAT is why he is taking antigravity generator!"

In a bold attempt to be a hero, Shortstuff leaped at the floating chunk of rock supporting the rising church, attempting to use his colossal weight as an anchor to drag it back to the ground. It didn't work. "HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLP!" He screamed as he was carried up into the sky with the church. He couldn't let go, because he would no doubt crush half the town and die if he fell from that height.

"We have to get him down from there!" said Angel, worried.

Jumba nodded. "And we are needing to get up to that church anyway. Quickly, back to the house!" They all started running home.

***

High up in the floating church, Stitch consulted a computer screen. "Are we high enough yet?"

Hacker, a digital experiment shaped like a CGI spider, shook her head from the screen. "Not yet, your Holiness. If I am to gain control of all satellite and hard-wired communications on the planet, I'll need to be a few hundred meters higher to properly send out an overriding broadcast."

Stitch nodded. "Okay then. You'll have your few hundred meters." He looked around the church, which was now filled with machine gun toting priests and hypnotized experiments. He patted the head of the currently mindless Swirly affectionately. "And then I will have the world."

Looks like things are heating up! Tune in next time for an action-filled chapter you won't want to miss! See you soon!


	9. War in Heaven

I can't believe I got nine reviews for the last chapter alone! Thanks, guys! I suppose I should answer them before I start, huh?

Nukerisr, you've actually given me a bit of an idea. I think I could work some of Jumba's knowledge of magic into future stories…and by the way, I know nothing of music, so what's wrong with Hendrix's songs?

Anin624, I didn't stop, I just left it at a cliffhanger. By the way, I think your story Angel's Sisters is kind of neat (Even if there are a few plot holes here and there). I would mention them in a review, except that for some reason you have to be signed in to do so for your story.

Mimic, sorry, but I don't really have any details on the religion. But if you want a reason to hate them, they would ban all video games if they could because they contain 'sinful' references to religions not of Ban-Kar's making.

Piewolvesandsuch, I wasn't actually thinking of it as science vs. religion, but you can read it that way if you want. And I had no idea you were a fan of Bonnie and Clyde. Since you are, you might not be happy with what they're going to do.

Charon, would you believe I actually saw that Star Trek episode you're talking about? I thought it was funny. Especially since Data thought he was a sun GODDESS.

PIcaRDMPC, this chapter is indeed the climax, although we do have one more big event right after this one…

DanMat6288, that's actually a pretty good idea for a story you've got there. Unfortunately, I'm going to be busy with the sequel to this one. Maybe you could try writing that crossover?

HobbesViviKnuckles, if by Opaih you mean Ophis, she's actually based off an ancient Egyptian chaos serpent with a similar name. I like snakes, so I thought it would be cool to use her to help bring Stitch back to normal.

And now, on with the chapter!

***

Bored, Nani tapped her fingers on the surface of her desk. It was another slow day at her job (Whatever that may be) due to the current lack of tourists. She had still not gained her raise, she was worried about Lilo (Who had been practically comatose the last time she saw her) and the only thing for her to do was watch a super-dull golf tournament on the nearby television. So it was a relief to her when the game was interrupted by a news flash.

A reporter was standing in front of a gaping crater between two churches. "I'm reporting this breaking news bulletin live from the site where just half an hour ago, the Kauai Church of Ban-Kar somehow levitated into the air and vanished." Nani blinked. The Ban-Kar church? "An eyewitness managed to catch this bizarre event on tape." The scene immediately changed to a somewhat shaky and amateurish recording from a video camera, no doubt held by a tourist. In it, a good portion of the island's alien inhabitants, not to mention Lilo, were gathered outside the church, looking like they were going to break in at any second. Without warning, the church shook and ripped out of the ground. Shortstuff made a vain attempt to hold it down and got carried up into the sky. The rest of the group quickly headed off-camera. "As you can see, the church flew off of its foundations, taking away one of our island's most beloved thrill rides with it. This reporter's heart goes out to the ride's owner, who never got around to purchasing insurance on it." The video clip changed to show people rioting in the streets. "Worshippers of Ban-Kar all over the island have taken this as a sign that their god will soon cleanse the Earth of all evildoers and bring the world into a new utopia. For some reason, they think this is a good justification for rampaging through the town and setting fire to various other religious establishments, claiming they are temples dedicated to Ophis, their religion's devil figure. Jews, Catholics, Muslims, and members of other religious groups have put their differences aside for once and united to stop these berserk cultists before they destroy Kauai. So far, neither side is winning and hundreds of dollars are being lost in property damage. The police are helpless to stop this madness, and the mayor has declared a state of emergency." Nani moaned. Her big-sister instincts were telling her she should get home IMMEDIATELY.

"Well, that isn't something you see every day," muttered Mr. Jameson, who had entered the room without Nani noticing.

Nani quickly pounced (not literally, of course) on her boss. "Mr. Jameson, I need to get home. I'm worried my family could get hurt by this crazy riot."

Mr. Jameson looked startled. "Your family? My goodness, I completely forgot you had a large family! You must be worried sick about them. Go on; take the rest of the day off to take care of them. You wouldn't want your house to get burned down by those crazy cultists, would you?"

"Thank you!" said Nani gratefully. 

As she ran for the exit, Mr. Jameson stopped her. "That reminds me, we're having a big company picnic in a couple of weeks. Why don't you bring your whole family down? I'd love to see them again, especially that nutty old great-uncle Jared! Whatever happened to him after that mutant whale shark took him away, anyway?"

"Er, he's been put in a retirement home." That wasn't too far from the truth if by retirement home one meant 'banished to torture and gruesome experimentation in the secret dungeon/laboratory of the galaxy's greatest criminal mastermind.' "I don't think he can make it."

Mr. Jameson looked disappointed. "That's a shame." Nani started to pull open the door when the boss stopped her again. "I really DID forget you had such a large family. It must be difficult to take care of them all on your current salary."

Nani hesitated. "Well, actually…"

"Why don't I give you a raise? You deserve it for all your hard work, and I suppose your family wouldn't mind being able to afford steak for dinner every now and then, am I right?" Mr. Jameson asked with a wink.

Nani was thrilled she had finally gotten a raise, but she knew she had to get home as soon as possible. "Thank you VERY much, sir. But I've really got to get going. My family and all."

He nodded. "Of course, of course. I should get going myself; I don't want my son Keoni to get hurt by these fanatics. I'm sure your sister would be upset if he were to get injured or anything, eh?" he said with another wink. Nani was somewhat surprised her boss had known about Lilo's crush, but didn't have time to inquire further. She had already dallied long enough; she had to get home!

***

"I really don't think this is a good idea," protested Gantu as 625 dragged him onto the couch. "626 will creep in here the instant I let my guard down! I can't afford to leave the experiments unguarded!"

"Relax, Big G," said the annoyed 625. "I'll watch em' for you. I'm just as strong as 626, remember? I bet I could beat him in a fight! And if he does beat me, maybe I could use that secret weapon thing you've been working on."

Gantu looked horrified. "The secret weapon?!" He grabbed 625. "Don't even think about using that thing unless we're approximately ten Earth miles away from the island! It could kill us all!"

625 shook himself free. "Okay, okay, I get the drift, no using the secret weapon." He switched on the gigantic TV screen. "Now, just sit back, relax, and watch a marathon of that stupid show you like so much. We both know you could use a little rest. I'll mind the experiments for you. Have fun." He waddled out of the room, leaving Gantu alone.

Gantu's nerves, which had been tense and on edge for weeks, slowly started to relax as the Look at This theme song started playing. _Perhaps 625 is right. It's unhealthy for me to continue this ungodly vigil without at least a little break. Besides, maybe that sidekick training will finally pay off. I'm almost positive he'll be a match for 626 now!_ He smirked as his favorite show displayed a person who was somehow balancing an entire piano on his nose. _And perhaps I've been worried about nothing all along. Maybe 626 really has just given up the fight. I don't blame him, I've been exhausted from our constant battles myself._ He yawned, starting to get sleepy now that he was off his coffee buzz. He took a sip from the cup of warm milk 625 had left him. _Maybe he's finally realized it's pointless to fight me._

Suddenly, the television was filled with static and changed to reveal Stitch's face. "People of Earth, greetings! I am the all-powerful Ban-Kar, and I shall bring your world into a new golden age!"

Gantu spat his milk out, spraying it all over the screen. Furious, he switched it off. "Or maybe he's even craftier than I thought! 625, get in here!"

625, who had been making a sandwich in the kitchen instead of guarding the experiments as he promised, waddled into the room. "Jeez, what is it? I thought I told you to relax!"

"There's no time to relax, we've been deceived again!"

"…We have?"

"Yes! I just saw 626 interrupt a televised broadcast. He blames to be somebody called Ban-Kar and intends to take over the world!"

625 blinked. "…Okay, that's weird. What's it got to do with us?"

"The little trog has been playing us for fools all along! He's tricked me into tricking myself into a false sense of insecurity so that I would spend so much time fortifying the ship he can easily conquer the world without my knowledge!" said Gantu angrily.

625 scratched his head. "Why the heck would he want to rule the world?"

"…I don't know, but I'm not letting him get away with this! Come, 625! We're going to go to his home to have a little 'chat' with 626…" he said evilly.

***

Up in the flying church, Stitch wrapped up his diatribe on how he would change the world. "I have been among the unbelievers, and they refuse to change! They must all perish! The heathens will burn so that the faithful may live in paradise!" He held Swirly up to the video camera that was broadcasting his message across the globe (And maybe even into space, since some aliens find Earth transmissions popular for some strange reason.). "And with the aid of this creature, born of sin but destined for greatness, I begin this new age! Join me as we enter a new era of prosperity together!" The hypnosis experiment's eyes began to swirl.

Suddenly, the entire church shook. A huge orange claw ripped through the front wall of the church, smashing the entrance to pieces. As the gigantic (yet somewhat shorter than before thanks to Jumba's shrink ray) Shortstuff stomped into the room, several machine gun-toting priests and objects that weren't firmly attached to the ground were violently sucked out through the new opening due to the change in air pressure. As the giant crab moved further into the chamber, the nose of Jumba's spaceship nudged its way through the opening, stopping when it was most of the way through. The boarding ramp lowered, and the army of experiments disembarked. "What is the meaning of this?!" Stitch asked furiously.

"Ban-Kar, we are being here to put an end to your evil plans!" Jumba proclaimed.

"You've been messing with our family for long enough. It's time for you to see what happens when you try to destroy our o'hana!" said Lilo.

"And I'll free my gushi bu from your clutches with my bare hands if I have to. Not that I actually need to use my hands, of course," said Angel, patting the dagger tied to her waist.

"And I'm just here to cheer them on. Please don't mind me," Pleakley added.

Stitch scoffed. "Your interference was not unexpected. That's one of the reasons I assembled my loyal army here to protect me. I put them in a very deep hypnotic trance, so don't even bother snapping your fingers, it won't free them."

"Then we'll just have to knock some sense into em' the old fashioned way!" said Lilo fiercely.

"I also took the liberty of freeing three of my most lethal cousins from the vault where they were imprisoned!" said Stitch, holding up the three pods he had stolen earlier. "These creatures of destruction were spawned from your sinful mind, Jookiba! Now they shall be used to purify the world of all evil!" He threw one of the pods onto the ground. "Behold 611, the ultimate super weapon!"

Yin sprayed the pod with some water. The pod glowed and swelled into a ball of light, exploding to reveal a fat, ugly experiment somewhat reminiscent of 625. He had puke-green fur that was balding in patches, two tiny squinting eyes nearly pushed to the sides of his head by a bulbous nose, a pair of long squiggly antenna zigzagging in different directions, and a deformed pair of arms growing from his back. He blinked stupidly at the world around him and spoke a single word: "Duh." He drooled and spoke again. "Duh. Duh." He started picking his nose with his tongue.

Pleakley blinked. "That's the ultimate super weapon?"

Jumba nodded. "611 is built with power to destroy entire planets. Has completely indestructible hide to protect him when he blows himself up. Unfortunately, I was having to sacrifice speed, strength, and intelligence to make skin that thick. Result is a slow, brainless creature that could get knocked over by a feather."

"If he's harmless, then why was he in the vault?" asked Lilo.

Jumba gave her a look. "Harmless? How is imbecile with power to destroy world harmless? Look at your current government leader!"

"Good point."

Somewhat vexed and embarrassed with his failure, Stitch prepared the second pod. "Well, that may not have worked, but now I will unleash a monster from the past, a demon born solely to defeat my host!" He threw the pod to the ground. "I summon you now, to serve the one you were made to defeat! 627, arise!"

Yin sprayed the pod. It exploded, revealing the familiar red and yellow form of 627. "EVIL!" he howled, tasting freedom once more.

Stitch shoved Swirly in front of 627's face. "627, obey my command! Redeem yourself by destroying these intruders!" 627 blinked, stared at Stitch, then kneed him in the groin. He laughed long and loudly as Stitch writhed on the ground in pain, then got bored and walked away.

Jumba chuckled. "Is good thing I am making 627 hypnosis proof just in case something like this happened."

Stitch groaned and got back to his feet. "Okay, that didn't go too well either. But this one will work for sure!" he said, holding up the last pod. "I found this one hidden in a secret wall safe!"

Jumba gasped. "Oh no! Not experiment 628!"

"You made a _628_?!" Lilo asked angrily. "You promised you wouldn't make anymore!"

"628 was already in production when 627 was running wild. I am hating to leave things unfinished," Jumba said weakly. "628 is having powers of fifty different experiments and is also completely invincible! Not to mention it is _not_ hypnosis-proof."

Stitch grinned. "Ah ha! Prepare to face defeat at the hands of your own creation! 628, come forth!" He threw out the experiment pod.

Yin sprayed it, and the creature that emerged from the globe of light was not what any of them (Except Jumba) had expected. Pleakley stared at the experiment in horror, wetting himself as his worst nightmare risen from the depths of hell stood at the other end of the church.

It was a finger.

A _giant_ finger.

A giant finger with_ chicken legs._

628 peered around and noticed the green cyclops. "Pleakley!" it said happily.

Pleakley turned a very pale shade of green. "_IT KNOWS MY NAME!" _he wailed.628 began to eagerly run towards him. Pleakley screamed and ran in the other direction, pursued by the walking finger.

Everyone watched, somewhat confused and disturbed. "That thing has the powers of fifty experiments?" asked Angel skeptically.

Jumba snickered. "No, I lied. 628 is being almost completely harmless experiment designed to scare Pleakley. Is experiment 666 that is having powers of fifty different experiments and invincibility."

"You've made that many?!" yelled Lilo.

Jumba winced. "I am thinking I should have been keeping big mouth shut."

Stitch, hearing his minions laughing at his humiliation under their breath, lost his temper. "Just kill them already!" he yelled. The experiments and remaining gun-toting humans charged. The good guys charged as well. The two armies clashed in the center of the church and began to fight for the fate of the world.

***

Nani parked her car in the driveway and ran into the house. "Lilo?" she cried. No answer. "Jumba? Pleakley?" The house remained silent. Nani searched the house from top to bottom, only to find it was empty. She looked in the kitchen and was surprised to see a note on the table. She picked it up and saw that it was in Jumba's surprisingly neat handwriting.

Dear Big Girl, __

Found out 626 is possessed by evil god. Went with experiments to Ban-Kar church to get him back. Brought Little Girl. No worries, she will be safe with Pleakley and myself.

Love, Jumba.

P.S. We are needing more milk. Old bottle is being expired.

Nani stared at the letter in confusion. A god? What was Jumba talking about? She almost dropped the note when she heard a loud cracking noise as the roof lifted and Gantu peeked in. He immediately pointed his ridiculously large plasma gun at her. "Where is 626?"

Nani stumbled backwards in fright. "H-he's not here."

"Really? What's that note you're holding?"

"What note?" Nani quickly held the note behind her back.

Gantu scowled. "625, retrieve that note from her!"

"Okay, okay, give me a second." 625 managed to climb through the kitchen window and walked over to Nani. Afraid to move lest Gantu shoot her, Nani didn't move as the traitorous experiment took the note from her and examined it. "He's at the Ban-Kar church."

Gantu put away his gun. "Excellent. Thank you for your time, Earthling. I'll send you a check for the roof once I get my paycheck." He let the roof fall back down and walked away. 625 quickly climbed back out the window and followed him.

Nani blinked and sat down. "Why do I get the feeling I should have destroyed that note after I read it?"

***

Jumba aimed his plasma cannon at the priests who were frantically trying to reload their empty machine guns and fired several blasts, each one hitting its target and flinging the priests all over the room. "Those were stun shots, right?" asked Lilo.

Jumba paused. "Er, stun shots…yes…yes, of course." He lied.

Hammerface slammed his giant hammerhead into the ground, attempting to smash Clip to pieces. The tiny hairball giggled and easily dodged the blow. Hammerface growled and raised his head up for another strike. Just before the hammer could hit the ground, Clip curled into a ball and rolled between Hammerface's legs. She got up and went into action, using her speed and special ability to quickly devour all of Hammerface's hair, leaving him completely bald from head to toe. The hammer-headed experiment blushed, covered his private parts, and scurried away to find something to cover himself with.

The small red draconian, Melty, looked around for somebody to fight. He immediately spotted Scales, who was slithering around in search of prey. He leaped in front of her path, growling. The serpent reared her head back with a hiss. They immediately prepared to fire their melting and poison spit attacks at each other when their eyes met. There was a pause. Without warning, both of their eyes filled with hearts. Madly in love, the two reptilians ran off to find someplace private to do their business.

Spooky transformed into a horrendous Xenomorph, one of the most feared monsters in the universe. Dripping acid from his mouth, he loomed over the terrified Topper. She squealed, shut her eyes, and activated her light as the monster lunged at her. The bright light blinded Spooky, causing him to completely miss Topper and slam into a column, knocking himself out. When she didn't feel any acid, fangs, or claws tearing into her, Topper opened her eye a crack and saw the dazed Spooky lying on the ground. She stood on his back and beat her chest victoriously.

Phantasmo cackled ghoulishly and possessed a heavy wooden pew. The large bench flung itself at Deforestator. He spun like a tornado, turning the pew into harmless sawdust as it hit him. Phantasmo flew out from the dust and possessed another pew. Deforestator destroyed this one too. Phantasmo tried a few more pews before realizing this tactic wouldn't work on somebody who was used to cutting down trees for a living and quickly looked around for something else to possess. He flew into one of the reloaded machine guns dropped by the priests and fired at Deforestator. He merely grinned and stuck his chest out. The gun shots ricocheted harmlessly off his bulletproof skin. Frustrated, the ghost experiment flew out of the gun and into one of the various grotesque statues around the room, this one of a man wielding a sword about to kill himself. Phantasmo attempted to make the stone figure step down from its pedestal and attack Deforestator, only to find he couldn't move. It was one thing to possess a doll with fully movable parts and walk around wreaking mischief, but it was a whole other thing trying to move around as a statue with no joints whatsoever. So he tried using his ghostly powers to levitate the statue off its base and throw it at his enemy, only to find it was fused to its base, which was in turn fused to the floor. He tried every other statue in the church, only to find they were all the same as the first. Defeated, he floated in the air with a sulk as Deforestator laughed at him.

Yin and Yang circled each other warily. The twins narrowed their eyes at one another, neither ready to make the first move. Reaching an unspoken agreement, they attacked at once. Yin sprayed great jets of water from his hose-like tentacles. Yang blasted great spouts of lava from his vents. The two elemental forces collided with a blast, resulting in a huge cloud of steam and a large chunk of volcanic rock falling to the ground. The two beasts of destruction summoned their great powers again, colliding with another burst of steam and volcanic rock. Five minutes later, neither of them had broken the stalemate and were starting to get tired. Yin suggested they resolve their conflict with a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors. However, this too proved to be a failure since Yin's hands were scrawny one-fingered limbs and Yang's toes were stubby and inflexible. Finally, they both gave up and decided to just watch the rest of the battle from the sidelines.

The massive Shortstuff faced his equally huge opponent, Sprout, in a titanic battle. The floor was too hard for Sprout to sink her roots into, so she had to improvise by ripping chunks of stone from the walls and flinging them at the immense crab. Shortstuff easily caught the rocks in his mighty claws and crushed them into dust. He advanced and grabbed her tendrils in his four claws, trying to drag the giant plant from her spot. Sprout grabbed a pair of columns with two of her tentacles and wrapped the remaining ones around Shortstuff's waist. The two titans pulled on one another, neither of them losing ground or gaining any. But in the end, it seemed it all came down to the pillars Sprout had hung onto to keep herself in place. As Shortstuff called up hidden reserves of strength and pulled Sprout forward, her tight grip pulled the columns down from their bases and brought them crashing down on her head. She wilted to the ground, defeated. Shortstuff snapped his claws in victory.

At the same time, Sparky and Richter squared off. The electric experiment summoned a powerful bolt of lightning, hurling it at the earth-shaker with all his might. Richter touched his tail to the floor, grounding him out and causing the electric current to pass through him harmlessly. He then slammed his tail into the ground, shaking the church. A long crack split open before Sparky, trying to swallow him up. He dodged it at lightning speed, charged himself with electricity, and rocketed towards Richer at incredible speeds. Demonstrating amazing reflexes, Richter swung his tail, knocking Sparky away from him and right into a column. As the lightning experiment tried to recover his senses, a chunk of ceiling dislodged by the quake fell and nearly crushed him. Richter laughed, but he was cut off when another chunk of ceiling slammed down on his head, knocking him out. Sparky shrugged and started pushing the rock off Richter, hoping his friend would be back to normal when he woke up.

Thrasher extended one of his six arms at Kixx in a spiky punch. The fighting experiment sidestepped the attack easily, beckoning for more. Thrasher fired two punches this time. Kixx jumped into the air, flipped over the spiked tentacles, and landed on his toes, still beckoning for more. Frustrated, Thrasher launched four punches. Kixx bent his knees and moved his head to the side, and the fists flew by him harmlessly. He beckoned for more. Furious, Thrasher fired all six of his arms at once. Kixx bent over backwards as the tentacles shot over him. As they started coming back, he grabbed them, surprising Thrasher. He spun like a tornado, using centrifugal force to hurl Thrasher into a column, knocking him out. Kixx bowed honorably to his defeated foe.

Heat and Slushy faced off. The ice experiment inhaled and shot a burst of ice breath at the 609th experiment. Heat's giant third eye glowed and fired a heat ray at the ice blast, melting it instantly and covering the floor with water. He advanced on Slushy, charging up another heat blast. Getting an idea, Slushy used his ice breath on the water on the floor, hardening it instantly. Heat slipped on the ice and fell on his back, allowing Slushy to cover his third eye with a layer of ice. Heat's eye glowed and warmed up, causing the ice to melt. However, by doing so he caused the ice to turn into scalding water right in his eye, burning it. He yelped and squeezed the eye shut. Slushy quickly blew out another burst of ice, freezing Heat in a solid block of ice. Slushy smirked and strutted around Heat triumphantly. His victorious moment was ruined when he slipped on his own ice and fell on his back

The two sonic experiments, Yaarp and Sample, glared at each other. Yaarp uncurled his sonic horn and unleashed a powerful sound blast that shook the entire building, nearly deafened the combatants, and cracked many windows. Sample grinned and turned up his internal volume. Then he played an amplified version of Yaarp's own sound attack from his speakerphone ears, shattering all the glass in the building, nearly deafening the combatants again, and causing several blocks to fall from the ceiling. Dazed, Yaarp fainted. Sample started doing a little victory dance, playing an annoying (though oddly catchy) tune created from various other noises.

Plasmoid fired dozens of explosive plasma orbs at Dupe. The small raccoon-like experiment uncurled the tentacle on his head, firing his cloning ray at the plasma blasts and multiplying them by a thousand, reducing them to tiny sparks of light. He then caught Plasmoid in his beam, multiplying him by two hundred and making the clones so weak their legs couldn't support their own weight. Dupe grinned, pleased that he had had one of the easiest victories of all.

Splodyhead had seen how badly the battle was faring for his side and had decided to climb up to one of the leering gargoyles high up the church wall and use it as a vantage point to rain down plasma blasts on the people below. Fortunately, Slugger flew up to stop him. "Hey No-Nose, bet you can't hit me!" the pterodactyl taunted in Turian.

"Oh yeah?" Splodyhead fired a plasma shot. 

Slugger knocked it away with his bat-shaped tail. "Strike one! Come on, you can do better than that. Care to try again?"

Splodyhead growled and fired a slightly larger plasma shot. Slugger knocked it away easily. "Strike two! My students pitch harder than you, and they're in elementary school!"

Enraged, Splodyhead formed a huge ball of plasma in his nose and fired. Slugger swung his tail, knocking the ball right towards the gargoyle Splodyhead was sitting on. It exploded, sending the experiment to the ground. He hit the floor hard in an instant KO. "Strike three! Yer out!" Slugger joked.

Stitch's jaw dropped in disbelief as he looked around the room. "This isn't possible. How can I be losing?!" His expression hardened. "Well, if the fools want damnation that badly, I'll give it to them! Hacker, give me control of all nuclear missiles on this planet and fire them simultaneously! Send all these sinners to Hell!" There was no response. "Hacker?"

He turned around to see Hacker's computer was shut down. Angel stood next to it, twirling the computer's power cord in one hand. "I'm sorry, your connection has been terminated," she joked.

Stitch growled. "How could you do this to me?!"

Angel raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me? How could I do this to _you_? How about everything you've done to us? Think of this as just retribution." She pulled out her dagger. The serpent on the blade was glowing hungrily. "And this will be the weapon to deliver that retribution!"

Horrified, Stitch backed away. "That-that's the Dagger of Ophis! How did you get that?!"

She smirked. "Would you believe Jumba actually knows a little magic? He managed to make this baby just an hour ago. Can you guess what I'm going to do with it?" 

Stitch snarled. "Let's see if you're still so willing to use that once you're under my control!" He made a snatch for Swirly on the altar, only to find he wasn't there. "Huh? Where'd he go?"

"Looking for this?" Bonnie and Clyde were standing on top of the grotesque statue with the lightning bolt through it. Clyde was clutching Swirly in his mechanical arm. "We just found this lying around. I didn't think anyone would miss it."

Bonnie grinned and winked. "Hope nobody minds if we hold on to this little fella for a while. Ta!" She and Clyde quickly ran away.

Angel smirked. "Well what do you know, those two came in handy after all!" She suddenly noticed Stitch was running away. "Hey, where are you going?"

"Do you have any idea how much it HURTS to get stabbed by that thing?! I'm out of here!" he shouted as he ran through the church, darting past angry experiments that had just woken up from their hypnotic trances. He didn't even make it halfway when Sprout grabbed him around the ankle with a root and dangled him above the floor. Stitch clawed and bit at her until Kixx grabbed his arms from below and held him steady.

Angel walked over. "Okay, if Jumba was right this should free Stitch and get rid of you for good. Let's see if it works." She raised the dagger as Stitch's eyes went wide with fear. She made a light slash across Stitch's chest, barely drawing any blood. But apparently it was enough. Stitch stopped struggling and went stock-still for a moment. Then, both the dagger and the cut gave off a blinding flash of purple light as he screamed in agony. His entire body convulsed as something transparent forced its way out of his mouth and flew around the church, screaming louder and louder. The thing's speed and transparency increased as its screams rose in pitch, until finally it flew out an open window, vanishing for good. Kixx and Sprout let go of Stitch, and he fell to the ground unconscious, sleeping like a baby. Angel smiled and stroked her lover's cheek as everyone else came over to take a look.

***

627 sat against the wall, bored. He had been having quite a lot of fun watching the fighting, laughing himself sick as one by one Stitch's army went down. He had finally recovered his breath and was watching as everyone started gathering around Stitch. He sneered in disgust. "You think it's sappy too?" asked a voice. He whirled around, snarling as he saw Bonnie and Clyde next to him (Along with Swirly, but he didn't really matter). She held up her hands to show she wasn't a threat. "Relax. We just want to talk, don't we Clyde?"

He nodded. "Got that right. We've got a proposal for you that you might find worth your while."

627 sat back down, curious. "Evil?"

"It's like this. While Clyde and I were in the slammer, we got to thinking about where we're going with our lives. Now, stealing people's stuff is great, but we're tired of being small-time crooks. We want to move on to the real thing, don't we Clyde?"

"Got that right."

"We've got big plans, 627. BIG plans." She grabbed him by the shoulder. "Think of it: a gang of crooks big enough to span half the universe! A super-mob, the future of organized crime! We'll pull heists big enough to leave entire _solar systems_ bankrupt! Every politician and public official will be in our pocket, we'll be the richest criminals in history, and best of all, we'll be able to do whatever we want, wherever we want, whenever we want, and nobody'll be powerful enough to stop us! And we'll call it…the Bonnie and Clyde Crime Syndicate! Ain't that a nice name, Clyde?"

"Brings a tear to my eye," he quipped, wiping away a tear.

"And what does all this have to do with you, you wonder? Well, let's just say someone with your talents could go FAR in the syndicate. Just imagine all the deliciously _evil_ things you can do as a member of the universe's most nefarious criminal organization!" said Bonnie, laying it on thick.

627 was starting to drool now. "Evil…"

She suddenly looked despondent. "But wait, I just remembered…we can't form the Syndicate, can we? After we get back to the island, they're going to put us back behind bars for a decade or more. And they'll dehydrate you and leave you to be forgotten in some cramped vault with a bunch of other experiments that just couldn't make the cut."

627 was horrified. He didn't want to be dehydrated again. "Evil evil!"

"Then again…now that I think about it, there may be a way for us to get out of here and form our Syndicate without worrying about being incarcerated again!" said Bonnie excitedly. "All that's standing in our way is that motley little group over there. But there's no way they can beat a big, strong, handsome experiment like you, is there?"

627 puffed his chest out proudly. "Evil!"

"So here's what you gotta do: Kill them. Kill every last one of them. And then we can rule the universe as the kingpins of crime. Nobody, not even that little rodent Hamsterviel, will be able to stop us."

627 grinned nastily. He was more than up to the task. "Evil evil evil!" He bounded towards his unsuspecting cousins.

Bonnie chuckled and leaned back against the wall. "Better get some popcorn Clyde honey, cause this is gonna be one hell of a good slaughter. With 383 and 627 on our side, we'll be virtually unbeatable!"

"Okay Bonnie, but I don't got any popcorn."

Bonnie stared at him blankly. "…It was a figure of speech, you idjit. This is why I'm the brains of this outfit."

***

"Is Stitch okay?" Lilo asked.

"Eh, not to worry. 626 will be fine, is simple side effect of exorcism," explained Jumba. "He will be waking up soon enough, back to his normal self."

Pleakley ran by, still chased by 628. "SOMEBODY HELP ME!" he screamed.

"Pleakleypleakleypleakleypleakleypleakley…" 628 chanted as it stalked its prey.

"Should we help him?" asked Angel.

Jumba thought for a moment. "Eh, maybe in little while, is too amusing to stop just yet."

Angel turned away from the hilarious sight of Pleakley's dilemma to lick Stitch on the cheek. She knew they would be back together soon enough. Her ear twitched suddenly, hearing very soft footsteps behind her. She looked up in time to get struck in the face by an extremely powerful punch. Her head snapped to the side and she collapsed instantly. The Dagger of Ophis fell from her hand, clattering to the floor next to Stitch's head. 627 giggled maliciously. "Evil…"

Everyone had heard the punch and the dagger falling and turned around to see the evil experiment waiting for them. They saw the knocked-out Angel and immediately knew 627 meant business. Sprout grabbed him with her roots in an attempt to bind 627. He took a deep breath and spat out a huge fireball, setting Sprout on fire. She shrieked in pain as her flesh ignited, turning her into a giant blaze. Yin and Slushy frantically tried to put the fire out while 627 cracked his knuckles, inviting the next challenger. Shortstuff drove one of his feet down on 627 in an attempt to crush him. 627 grabbed the giant crab by the foot, lifted him off the ground, and hurled him at the church wall. He smashed through it and barely managed to grab onto the edge with his claw to keep himself from falling.

"Meega nala quista!" Kixx leaped into action, striking 627 with a flurry of powerful punches and kicks. 627 blocked and dodged every blow, punched Kixx in the gut, then jumped over him, using his head as a springboard. He grabbed the startled Hammerface (Who had somehow found a barrel to cover himself with) and drove his hammer down on Kixx's skull. There was a gut-wrenching crack and both Hammerface and Kixx fell to the ground, bleeding profusely from their heads.

Horrified, Plasmoid and Splodyhead launched plasma blasts at 627, hurling him into a column. Yang fired a huge jet of lava, covering 627 in liquid rock. As the rogue experiment was screaming from the burning pain, Yin and Slushy used their water and ice powers to cool the lava and harden it into solid rock. They relaxed for a second, thinking it was over. They were wrong. The rock exploded as 627 burst into the air. He sprouted a second head and spat out a jet of fire from one head and ice from the other. The ice breath struck Yang, hardening the lava he had been about to fire and trapping him in a block of ice. The fire breath struck Slushy, melting him into a puddle. He landed and dashed over to Yin, grabbing him by the neck. He poured several hundred volts of electricity into the water experiment's body, shocking him into submission. Plasmoid and Splodyhead started charging up a more powerful plasma shot, but 627 was ready for them. Before they could fire, he ran over to them and blocked Plasmoid's tail and Splodyhead's nose with his hands, preventing the plasma from escaping their bodies. It exploded, flinging the two experiments away in smoking heaps.

Scales leaped at him from behind, sinking her fangs into his arm and pumping venom into his system. 627 sneered at the attempt, his immune system was far too powerful to be overtaken by a little poison. He sprouted four more arms from his sides, grabbed Scales, and began to strangle her. Melty, desperate to save his mate, spat a blast of melting breath at 627's fourth arm. Everyone was surprised when it actually struck, causing the wicked experiment's arm to melt off of his side and lie on the ground in a pool of red liquid. 627's open arm socket instantly cauterized itself, but the damage was still done. He used Scales' body like a whip, lashing out at Melty. The end of the snake's tail wrapped around the red dragon's throat, snaring him. 627 spun like a tornado, whirling Scales and Melty around and around before hurling them across the desiccated church. They collapsed against the wall.

Thrasher grabbed 627 from behind with his stretchy arms, immobilizing the unruly experiment. Heat got in front of him and fire his heat vision at one of 627's heads. 627's four eyes lit up and he fired his own heat vision, forcing Heat's energy beam right back into his third eye. It exploded, disabling him. 627 then grabbed hold of Thrasher's arms and flung him over his body, slamming him into Heat and knocking them both out.

Topper turned on her light, blinding 627. Spooky transformed into a Xenomorph and he and Deforestator charged 627. However, one of his two heads had closed its eyes as Topper turned on her light, so could still see perfectly. He grabbed Spooky and Deforestator, beat them horribly, then ripped off Topper's light and ate it. He kicked her into a column, knocking her out.

Dupe uncurled his tentacle and started his cloning beam. 627 grabbed the tentacle and turned it back on its master, causing Dupe to accidentally multiply himself by a hundred. 627 easily defeated the hundred weakened clones and moved on to his next opponent. Clip jumped onto him and tried to shave his lovely red and yellow fur off. He grabbed her, threw her into one of his mouths, chewed her up and spat her out. He then spat a burst of plasma at her, burning her hair and knocking her out.

Phantasmo possessed a pew and hurled it at 627. It shattered against his tough body. He waited for Phantasmo to come out of the splinters and made his most gruesome scary face. Phantasmo screamed and hid in a small piece of wood. Sample and Yaarp combined their sonic powers and hit 627 with a blast powerful enough to actually knock him back a few feet. He growled and roared loudly enough to disrupt Yaarp and Sample's sound and shatter their eardrums. As they stumbled around in a daze, 627 grabbed them, pummeled them, and threw them to the ground.

Sparky grabbed 627 from behind and pumped electricity into his body. He was shocked when the evil experiment didn't seem to mind it at all. In fact, he was actually enjoying it! Sparky tried to pull away, but 627 grabbed his arm and began to greedily suck all the electricity out of Sparky's body. The electric experiment grew weaker and weaker as 627 drained away his life essence, finally falling to the ground. 627, crackling with power, turned to Richter, one of the only experiments left. To his credit, Richter tried his hardest to subdue 627. He pounded the ground again and again, shaking the church and dropping rocks from the ceiling. But it was not enough. 627 grinned and punched the floor, driving his stolen electricity into the ground. The floor beneath Richter exploded, launching him into a wall and knocking him out. 

Slugger made a vain swoop at 627's heads. He dodged and spat plasma at the flyer. Slugger deflected the blast back at 627 with his tail. 627 swiped at the spit with his claws, sending it back at Slugger again. The two batted the plasma bolt back and forth, each ricochet increasing the projectile's speed. Finally, Slugger swung his tail just a millisecond too slowly and got struck by the plasma burst. He fell to the ground, defeated. 627 laughed malevolently.

Bonnie and Clyde were also laughing malevolently. "That was great!" said Clyde.

"Yeah, 627's all right! As long as he sticks with us, we're invincible!" Bonnie agreed.

"So you two are the ones who put 627 up to this?" Lilo asked angrily.

The thieving experiments turned their heads to look at the little girl. "Yeah, we did. So what?" asked Bonnie.

"Stop him right now, before he kills someone!"

Clyde smirked. "Tell you what, kid. How's about instead, you go over to 627 and let him murder you like a nice little primate?" He grabbed Lilo and threw her across the room. She landed painfully at 627's feet. "Hey 627! We've got one more for you!"

"Evil!" 627 picked up the terrified Lilo and held her above the ground. Lilo looked into 627's black, empty eyes and saw nothing but a lust to kill her. The crimson demon prepared to crush her throat with a single flex of its claws. 

Suddenly, the monster's eyes widened. Trembling, he opened his hand and dropped Lilo, then collapsed. The Dagger of Ophis was protruding from his back. Lilo looked up and couldn't believe her eyes. "Stitch!"

The blue experiment grinned. "Bago!" He hugged Lilo.

Bonnie and Clyde were horrified. "He-he beat 627!" stammered Bonnie.

"Come on, we'd better get outta here before he turns on us!" said Clyde.

They ran for the exit, only to find Jumba blocking the way. "Going somewhere?"

Clyde held up Swirly, activating his hypnotic power. "Get out of our way, old man!" Bonnie hissed.

Jumba smirked and fired two plasma shots, knocking out the thieves. "Is good thing I am remembering to bring hypnosis-proof contacts," he said, popping a few lenses from his eyes.

Pleakley ran by, STILL chased by 628. "Won't somebody please help me?!" he screamed. Stitch grabbed 611 (Who was still stupidly picking his nose) and threw him at 628. The walking finger was crushed beneath the super weapon's weight, knocking it out. Pleakley sighed in relief. "Thank you, Stitch." He blinked. "Wait a minute…Stitch! You're back to normal!"

"Ih."

Everyone was surprised when Pleakley actually grabbed Stitch and gave him a big hug. "Oh, you have no idea how much I've missed you! The house is too clean and I have nothing to do anymore and-"

Pleakley was shut up when Jumba hit him on the head with his plasma cannon, knocking him out. "Takka," said Stitch as he broke free from the cyclops' noodle grip.

"Don't mention it."

Stitch seemed to notice all of the injured experiments for the first time. "Cousins okay?"

Jumba nodded. "Is nothing to worry about. Experiments heal fast, and is nothing I cannot fix."

Stitch looked relieved, then he looked at the ground. "Soka. Stitch sorry for getting possessed by evil god and ruining o'hana."

Lilo slapped him on the back. "Ah, it wasn't your fault! You couldn't possibly know it would open your body as a vessel for Ban-Kar. You'll just have to be more careful about what you read from now on, right?" Stitch nodded in agreement, feeling better. Suddenly, the whole church started shaking. Giant cracks started forming on the walls, ceiling and floor. Rubble started falling from the ceiling. "What's going on?" asked Lilo.

Jumba looked concerned. "I am thinking battle was too much for church's structural integrity. I am estimating we are having approximately five minutes to escape before the entire building collapses. We must evacuate immediately."

They worked as quickly as they could, loading the experiments onto the ship as the church started falling apart around them. Jumba didn't have the heart to tell Lilo the priests were dead, so he dragged their corpses onto the ship as well. They ran into a bit of a delay getting Sprout or Shortstuff into the ship until Jumba used his shrink ray on them, returning them to their original sizes. In the end, 627 was the only experiment left. Stitch walked over to his evil cousin, trying to decide if he should take him back or not. He pulled out the Dagger of Ophis, debating whether or not to just slit the beast's throats then and there and insure his death. He sighed, cursing his new 'good guy' conscience. "Stupidhead," he grumbled. He kicked 627 in the side, then picked him up and started carrying him back to the ship.

The church rumbled again. It was about to collapse. "626, hurry up!" Jumba yelled from the boarding ramp.

Stitch ran as fast as he could while carrying 627's weight. Without warning, the floor beneath him lurched, causing him to trip and drop 627. His body rolled a few feet away and was suddenly swallowed up by a large crack, vanishing from view. Stitch could not honestly say he was sorry to see him go. With his burden gone, Stitch picked up the pace and dashed into the ship. The boarding ramp rose into the underside of the vessel and they took off, flying away as the floating house of evil crumbled to pieces, falling to the ocean far below, taking 627 with it.

***

The overall mood of the occupants of the large red ship were fairly positive. Most of the experiments hadn't been damaged _too_ badly in the fight with 627 and had soon recovered. Angel had immediately taken her dagger back and started making up for lost time by smothering her bushi bu with kisses. Dupe had managed to pull himself back into a single experiment, and was at full power again. Many of the other experiments wore their wounds proudly as battle scars, to indicate they had survived the wrath of 627. 611 and 628 had been dehydrated again and placed back in the vault, which Jumba promised to put heavier security on. Bonnie and Clyde were unhappily stuffed into capsules and were waiting to be sent back to jail. Lilo had stopped Jumba from dehydrating them, saying that even evil rotten criminals had a one special place where they belonged, namely prison. Sparky, Sprout, Kixx, Hammerface, Sample, Yaarp, Heat, Plasmoid, and Splodyhead were all in need of medical attention, and Jumba intended to fix them up as soon as they got home. Despite the unstable conditions of many of their cousins, everyone else couldn't help feeling happy. Stitch was back, and with him the missing piece that completed their o'hana once more. They all felt that everything was going to get better from here on.

Suddenly, the ship rocked violently. Pleakley fell out of his chair on the bridge, hitting his head on a console. "Ow! What was that?" The ship shook again.

Jumba checked his sensors. "Plasma fire! Somebody is shooting at us!"

***

Gantu chuckled, aligning his firing crosshairs so that they were directly over the big red spaceship. "I've got you now, trog…"

***

To be continued…


	10. It's Hero Time!

That was an exciting last chapter, wasn't it? With any luck, this one should be just as good. We'll finally get to see Stitch back in action, where he belongs! But first some reviews:

Mimic12355, Gantu would actually fall asleep from so many weeks staying awake if it weren't for the inhuman amount of coffee he's ingested and his sheer force of will to kill Stitch once and for all.

Mostextremeprincess, Ban-Kar isn't an experiment; he's the god of a stupid overzealous religion. And I wouldn't even try comparing him to 552! There is no villain I could ever concoct who could rival or even equal that twisted creature of pain and malevolence VOID99 has created. Hats off to you, VOID99!

Nukerisr, I'm glad you liked the last chapter. 627 is so powerful because that's how I perceive him. The cartoon only showed us a fraction of his strength, so we can only imagine what he's like at full power. He could very well be as strong as I have made him out to be. Also, thanks for the offer, but I don't really feel any need to use your fancharacters. They'd probably be ill suited for what I plan in future stories.

Piewolvesandsuch, I'm glad you liked my rendition of 611 and 628. Sorry about Bonnie and Clyde.

DanMat6288, I'm afraid I can't use your suggestion, but I am hoping to make magic an important part of the next story. And Ban-Kar didn't form his religion to demean Ophis; he's just a big fat jerk of a deity. Ophis happens to be one of those demons that's not really into the whole 'eternal torment' thing that much. (Not to say she doesn't still have her evil side, of course.) Not all demons are totally bad, and not all gods are totally good, as my story has demonstrated. I might be able to arrange for them to pop up before the story's over, though…

By the way, if anyone has trouble understanding Stitch, check out Story Weaver 1's Turian Index.

***

The ship shook again. Jumba frantically checked his scanners. "Ah, of course. It's Gantu!"

Stitch pulled away from Angel, who had grabbed him when the ship rocked from the first shot. "Gantu?"

The ship shuddered once more. The lights flickered on and off. Jumba looked worried. "Feels like he's upgraded his cannons."

"Is that bad?" asked Lilo.

Jumba sighed. "It means we can't be winning in a firefight. And his ship is also faster than ours is, so we cannot be escaping. This could be the end."

Stitch's eyes narrowed. "Naga. Have to save cousins," He growled. Without a word, he ran down the length of the ship.

"Where's he going?" asked Angel, a little hurt.

Lilo gasped, understanding. "Gantu captured a whole bunch of experiments while Stitch was possessed. He must be trying to get them back!"

Jumba nodded. "Well then, we are having nothing to worry about. If anyone can do it, 626 can."

Stitch kicked open the door to the airlock and leaped outside of the ship. As he fell, he pressed a button on the wristband he was still wearing. In seconds, his slick red police cruiser came screaming out of the stratosphere towards him. Stitch landed in the driver's seat and buckled up. He glared at Gantu's great black ship, which was still firing plasma blasts at Jumba's cruiser. "Tooki bah waba!" He fired his engines, rocketing towards his old nemesis.

Gantu was about to fire a plasma blast that would destroy one of the big red ship's engines and force it to crash when a small red object zoomed across his line of sight, pelting the glass dome of his cockpit with plasma shots. They splashed off harmlessly, but Gantu could already tell who had done it. "626," he growled. He smirked and pressed a button. "It's a good thing I ordered all these new weapons along with those teleporter parts. Let's see how you like my mine web, trog!"

Stitch shot past Gantu's ship, did a U-turn, and headed back for another pass at the cockpit. As he did, a hatch on the rear of the black ship opened, launching a spiked orb into the air. The orb spun several yards, stopped, and suddenly expanded. Hatches opened up all over it, shooting out smaller spiked balls attached to the bigger one by thin cables. Each small ball then shot out smaller balls, and those sent out even smaller ones, and so on until Stitch found himself flying into a huge maze of orbs and cables. "Crabba Snabba." He quickly swerved under a cable, not sure what would happen if he hit it or a ball. He had to slow down drastically to keep from running into the walls of the maze. He saw Gantu's ship speed up after the one his family was in, firing more plasma blasts at it. He growled and decided to throw caution to the wind. He hit the accelerator and started flying straight towards Gantu's ship, clipping a cable and severing it. The orbs it was attached to blinked three times then exploded. Every orb attached to those orbs or in close proximity to them exploded as well, and Stitch found himself stuck in the center of an expanding cloud of death. He floored the accelerator, going as fast as he could and shot out of the web as the whole thing exploded, sending fire in every direction. He grinned. "Akka tiki baba!" He caught up with Gantu and found he had disabled the big red ship and was trying to use a tractor beam to pull the roof off, so he could pick up all the experiments on board at once. Stitch didn't see that happening anytime soon. He flew close to the underside of the black ship and fired one of his few plasma torpedoes into the beam. The tractor locked onto the torpedo and pulled it up into the ship, causing the beam generator to explode and release the ship. The red ship flew off, tilting to the side and waving a wing as a sort of thanks.

Gantu pounded his fist on the control panel. "Blitznag! He destroyed my tractor beam!" He scowled. "My mine web was useless, but let's see how he fares against my new guns…"

Dozens of hatches opened up on the hull of the ship, and plasma turrets of varying sizes emerged. They all began firing at Stitch immediately. He flew his cruiser up the side of the black ship, barely scraping the surface and causing a few turrets to fire at each other and explode as they missed him. He flipped the ship upside down so he was facing the hull, pulled out his four trusty plasma guns from the glove compartment along with a couple of holsters to hold them in, and leaped out of his seat as he reached the top of the ship, landing near Gantu's cockpit. He extended his extra arms, antenna, and spines, and began blasting away at the glass dome with his plasma guns. The shots splashed off the dome harmlessly. Gantu grinned and pressed a button, causing several large plasma turrets to pop out of the hull. They aimed at Stitch and started firing. Stitch dodged the initial blasts and jumped on top of a nearby cannon. All of the other cannons reoriented their targeting systems and fired. Stitch jumped off, and the cannon exploded. He repeated the process with the other cannons until there was only one left. This one he ripped off of its mount and hurled at the cockpit dome. The gun exploded, but the dome was still unscratched. Gantu frowned and pressed another button. A gigantic cannon rose from behind the cockpit and aimed at Stitch. He jumped out of the way as the cannon fired, blasting off a portion of the ship's hull and revealing wiring and stuff. Stitch strafed the cannon, firing his guns uselessly at the weapon as it continued firing, blowing up portions of the hull. Gantu was laughing too hard to notice. Suddenly getting an idea, Stitch put away his guns and jumped on top of the cockpit dome. Gantu blinked. "Wait, what are you doing?" He gasped as the cannon started charging up. "Oh no!" He jumped out of his elevated seat, landing hard on the floor of the ship several yards below as the cannon fired, blowing up the cockpit. Gantu groaned and clutched his chest. He had hit something painful when he landed. He got up and saw he had landed on the crate of replacement teleporter parts, crushing it. "Blitznag."

"Meega nala quista!" shouted a voice from above. Stitch jumped down from the smoke around the destroyed cockpit, firing his guns wildly. Gantu quickly rolled out of the way, hiding underneath a console. He grinned when he saw the plasma gun he had strapped to its underside.

Stitch ran over to 625, who was leaning against a wall, eating a sandwich. "Where cousins?" he asked, pointing a gun at 625's head.

"Why the hell should I tell you?" Stitch snatched the sandwich from 625's hands and made to eat it. "Okay, okay, I'll tell you!" 625 stammered frantically. "They're in the cargo bay. Now give me back my sandwich." Stitch was about to when he heard the telltale whine of a plasma gun about to fire. He whirled around and hurled the sandwich in the direction of the sound. Gantu fired, and his plasma shot obliterated the sandwich, dissipating harmlessly. "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" screamed 625. He fell to his knees sobbing as Stitch dashed for the big elevator to the cargo bay. Gantu saw his destination and chased after Stitch. Stitch leaped into the elevator and pressed the button to close the doors just as Gantu was about to get in, causing the giant alien to slam into the doors and leave a dent shaped like his face in it. Stitch snickered and pressed the button to make the elevator descend.

A few seconds later, the elevator doors opened, revealing the cargo bay. Stitch stepped out and saw his cousins, imprisoned within capsules lining the wall. 625 was not nearly as proficient as Gantu, but he had managed to add about a dozen more experiments to the collection while Gantu was going through his paranoia. The captives noticed him and started begging and screaming for him to release them. He grinned and started speaking in Turian. "Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Stitch, and I'll be your rescuer today." He whipped out his guns and started firing rapid shots all across the wall of capsules. He continued firing until he heard the definite click indicating he was out of ammunition, put the guns back in their holsters, and snapped his fingers. Every capsule shattered at once, spilling the experiments to the floor.

As the freed prisoners struggled to recover their bearing, Pinky suddenly recognized who their savior was. "Hey, wait a minute! You're the jerk who let that fish head capture me! You didn't even lift a finger to stop that guy!"

Stitch paused. "Uh…I wasn't in my right mind at the time. It's a long story. I'm here to rescue you and take you to a better place."

"Why should we go with you? You abandoned us!" shouted a different experiment.

Suddenly, the elevator doors exploded. Gantu stepped out, carrying a massive plasma bazooka. "DIE!" he yelled, blue eyes blazing.

"Because if you don't come with me, you're stuck with him," said Stitch.

The decision was unanimous. "We'll go with you."

"Good." He jumped onto a crate. "I'll distract him. You head for the hangar bay, I'll meet you there." He beckoned to Gantu. "Naju jista!"

Gantu threw his bazooka away and rolled up his sleeves. "You want to fight? Fine! I've been waiting a long time for this, abomination. This time, you won't win!"

"Feeboogoo." Gantu leaped at Stitch, starting the fight. The big group of experiments quickly scrambled into the elevator, squishing themselves together to keep anybody from falling out of the open doors. Their weeks of captivity had made them used to really tight spaces, so they didn't mind being crammed in as much. Somebody pressed the button, and they went up the shaft.

Stitch continued to beat the tar out of Gantu until he was sure the giant was too dazed to move, then called back the elevator and headed back up to the bridge level of the ship. He got off and suddenly realized he didn't know where the hangar actually was. He walked over to 625, who had gotten a new sandwich. "Where's the hangar?"

625 grunted. "Your buddies just came through asking the same question. Down the hall and to the left."

"Takka." Stitch ran off.

A few seconds later Gantu came out of the elevator with a bleeding lip, broken teeth, two black eyes, and a limp. "Where did he-"

"Hangar."

"Right!" Gantu ran down the hall. 625 shrugged and continued eating.

Gantu spotted Stitch in the doorway to the hangar and charged. Stitch waited a few seconds, then closed the doors, causing Gantu to ram into them and leave a dent shaped like his face. He ripped out the control panel to the doors to keep them from opening and shoved a large crate in front of the doors to hold them shut. He turned to his cousins, who were clustered around Gantu's manta ray shaped excursion vehicle. "That'll hold him for a little while," he said in Turian as Gantu pounded on the doors furiously. Stitch shoved past the experiments, climbed into the ship, and programmed the autopilot to head for his house. "Okay, I've set this ship to take you to your new home. It's a tight fit, but I think you can all squeeze in." A few experiments looked dubious, but when the door shook ominously they decided to take their chances with Stitch. 

All hundred-odd experiments crammed themselves into the cramped cockpit of Gantu's smaller ship. As Stitch was about to close the dome over them, one of them spoke up. "Why are you trying so hard to rescue us anyway? You let us get captured before. What changed your mind?"

The answer came to Stitch instantly. "You guys are my o'hana."

"O'hana? What's that?"

"O'hana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten."

"But you left US behind," a different experiment protested.

Stitch smiled. "Yeah, but I came back for you, didn't I?" The doors boomed as Gantu slammed into them again from outside. "Not much time left. I've gotta get you outta here!" He slammed the dome shut on his cousins and ran to the hangar door controls. 

As he started messing with them, the doors exploded as Gantu finally remembered he had a plasma bazooka and used it. Gantu took one look at the experiments crammed in his ship and gasped in horror as the bay doors opened, creating a vacuum. "No!" he screamed as he fumbled for a grip on the door to keep from getting sucked out, losing hold on his bazooka. It was pulled outside by the suction of the vacuum. 

The excursion ship's engines lit up, and it started moving down the track to the open doors. Stitch jumped on and waved to Gantu. "Bye-bye, Stupidhead!" The ship rocketed out of the door and into the sky.

"Blitznag!" Gantu ran from the hangar and headed to the secondary bridge, located in the main chamber beneath the destroyed cockpit. He sat down and started calling up weapons. "If that trog thinks he's going to get away that easily, he's got another thing coming!"

Stitch clung onto the excursion ship as they flew away from Gantu's vessel. He frowned when the black ship's engines ignited and started following them. _Guess he doesn't know when to give up,_ he thought. He pressed the button on his wristband, summoning the police cruiser. He waved farewell to his cousins, jumped off the excursion ship and landed in the driver's seat of his cruiser. He hit the accelerator and flew back towards Gantu. A large Gatling gun lowered from the underbelly of the black ship and started firing huge plasma blasts at him. The plasma turrets from before were firing at him as well. Stitch masterfully weaved around the plasma bolts, firing a few of his one to take out guns and neutralize incoming shots, and launched his second plasma torpedo at the Gatling gun. It exploded, depriving Gantu of his primary weapon. The giant cursed as Stitch then started taking potshots at the smaller turrets, and decided to try a different tactic. He pressed a button, causing three dozen missiles to launch from tubes in the hull of the ship and begin homing in on Stitch.

Stitch saw the missiles coming towards him and wasn't the least bit worried. He floored the accelerator and flew away from the ship. The missiles followed him in a great cloud of deadly projectiles. He did various aerial stunts ranging from loop-de-loops to corkscrews and barrel rolls, watching as the missiles continued following him. When he had flown a certain distance from the ship, he started turning back in a long curve, leading the missiles back to the black battleship. The ship's plasma guns opened fire as he returned, but Stitch easily evaded the blasts, causing them to hit several of the missiles behind him and destroy them prematurely. He zoomed straight towards the nose of Gantu's ship and abruptly veered upward, causing many of the remaining missiles to hit the ship, causing a huge explosion which shook the whole vessel and caused heavy damage. Stitch flew over the top of the ship, leading the missiles to a few plasma turrets that still remained there. The guns fired as he shot over them, missing completely and striking the missiles. Most of the missiles were clipped instead of hit dead-on by the plasma guns and lost control of their engines and guidance systems, falling onto the roof of the ship and exploding. One missile fell through the gaping hole left by the destroyed cockpit, suddenly restarted its engine before it could hit the ground of the main room, lost power again and fell to the floor in front of the kitchen doorway. Its momentum carried it through the door and towards the fridge. 625 walked into the main room with mayonnaise and tomato pieces covering his face, looking very annoyed. "Hey fish flakes, I'm trying to eat here! Do you think you could-" He choked in mid-sentence as he saw the missile rolling towards the refrigerator. Everything seemed to go into slow motion as 625 waddled as fast as he could after the missile. As the weapon was just about to touch the fridge, 625 leaped into the air, screaming "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" in slow motion. The missile's warhead tapped the fridge.

There was a pause, followed by a huge explosion that obliterated the kitchen and ripped a giant hole in the side of the ship. Gantu had shielded himself from the blast with his chair, and was now trying to catch his breath in all the smoke and haze created by the explosion. 625, now blackened by soot, stared in disbelief at the empty space that had once held the center of his life. "He-he destroyed my fridge…." He started trembling. "HE DESTROYED MY FRIDGE!" Antenna, spines, and a second set of arms extended from his body. With astonishing speed, 625 ran over to the secondary bridge, shoved Gantu out of his chair, and started pressing buttons wildly. "HE'S GONNA DIE, YOU HEAR ME?! I'M GONNA KILL HIM!" He simultaneously fired every missile on the ship, sending a huge volley of projectiles at Stitch. "DIE! DIE DIE DIE!!!!!"

The sheer number of missiles coming towards him startled Stitch, but he wasn't worried. He flew away from the ship, using the same maneuver as before to lead the missiles away then double back towards the black vessel. As the missiles followed, Stitch rocketed towards the left engine nacelle of Gantu's ship in what looked like a collision course. At the last second, he veered under the ship, and the missiles hit the nacelle. There was a tremendous explosion as the plasma warheads reacted with the engine, vaporizing a third of the ship. Damaged beyond compare, minor explosions started occurring all over the ship, threatening to tear it apart. With a missing engine and irreparable damage, the black ship started losing altitude. Stitch whistled. "Bootifa!"

Gantu coughed and wheezed as he tried to clear his lungs from the smoke of fires that had ignited due to the explosion. The extinguishers appeared to be out of commission. All the lights had turned a dim red, and warning sirens were blaring at full volume. He knocked 625 out of the chair. "Now look what you've done! The trog's used our own weapons to destroy the ship!"

625, now back to normal, was dazed and confused. "I-I don't know what came over me. I just felt a sudden urge to kill him."

"Yes, I feel that way all the time. But never to this extreme!" Gantu shouted, waving his hands to point out the blaring sirens, small fires, and red lights all over the chamber. "Thanks to your sudden and completely unexpected bout of bloodlust, we're both going to die!"

625 paled. "W-we're going to die?"

"Probably. That explosion destroyed the escape pods, and the excursion vehicle is gone. Our best chance is a water landing, and we'll probably sink anyway."

"There's gotta be something we can do!" said 625. The ship rocked and more explosions broke out as Stitch began shooting at it from outside.

"There is ONE thing…" Gantu mused.

"Yeah?" asked 625 hopefully.

"With any luck, it'll save us and kill 626 once and for all! It's time to use the secret weapon!" Gantu walked over to a console and pressed a big blue button.

A hatch on the underside of the ship opened up. A large missile with a shark face painted on it fell out of the hatch and flew away. Stitch looked at it, shrugged, and prepared to deliver the final blow to Gantu's smoldering ship. Suddenly, his communication screen turned on, showing Gantu. "Aren't you going to go after that missile?"

He frowned. "Naga. Why?"

Gantu grinned. "I think you should. You see, that's no ordinary missile. I've loaded its warhead with enough plasma explosives to destroy the ENTIRE ISLAND!"

Stitch looked at Gantu in horror. "GABBA?!"

The evil captain snickered. "And can you guess where it's headed? I'll give you a hint: it's the place where you live with that little family of yours. Yes, that's right, it's heading for your home! I think you'd better go after that missile, you don't want it to blow them up do you?" He laughed evilly. "One more thing: It's completely plasma-shielded, so you can't shoot it out of the sky! Good luck solving this one, abomination!" He ended the communication

"Blitznag!" Stitch turned his cruiser around and sped after the missile at maximum speed. The missile was slower than he was, so he caught up to it quickly. He slowed down the cruiser, pulling it parallel to the missile. He jumped out of the ship, landing on the missile. He dug into its surface with its claws as his cruiser fell away, keeping himself from falling off. He crawled up the length of the missile, stopping near the warhead. He noticed a panel and surmised it was where he could find and defuse the missile's detonator. As he began to pry it open, cables with manacles on their ends shot out of the sides of the missile, clamping shut on his wrists and ankles! They retracted, forcing him onto his chest. "Gabba?!"

The panel flipped open, revealing a comm screen. It flickered to reveal Gantu. "Ha! You fell right into my trap, just as I knew you would, 626! Don't even bother struggling, because those bonds are too strong for even you to break!" He sneered. "I almost envy you. You're about to get a front-row seat of the total destruction of your family, and there's nothing you can do about it! Bwahahaha!" The screen switched off and folded back up.

Stitch pulled as hard as he could on his bonds, but they wouldn't budge. He struggled for a few more minutes then sagged, accepting the inevitable. He was going to die. And he was going to take his entire o'hana with him.

***

Lilo was having the time of her life. When the manta ship had landed in her backyard, she had first thought Gantu had come after them. But when the cockpit opened and over a hundred experiments tumbled out, she knew there was nothing to worry about. She immediately welcomed them to their new home and started giving them names and finding places for them in society.

Angel was not having as much fun. She had not seen any sign of her gushi bu among the escapees. "Where's Stitch?" she asked Pinky in Turian.

"The blue guy? He jumped ship after we escaped from that ugly guy. Last I saw he was keeping the big fish off of our tails," explained the little elephant.

Angel looked up at the sky. "I hope he's okay…"

Slugger and some of the other more experienced experiments were telling their new cousins about the fine points of island living when suddenly all his senses went wild. He instantly flew into the air, looking for whatever was causing him discomfort.

He didn't have to wait long. Out of the blue, a huge shark-faced missile appeared and rocketed towards the house. Everybody panicked. Pleakley ran around in circles screaming, and Nani (Who had been just been complaining about how Stitch just _had_ to send all of his cousins to her house) hugged Lilo protectively. Jumba was the only one not worried, and he had the right attitude. Slugger swung his tail at the missile just before it could hit its target, knocking it away. The rocket spun out of control and flew away erratically, its guidance system completely scrambled. Everyone cheered. "Great job, Slugger! Home Run!" yelled Lilo. Nani quietly resolved never to complain about Stitch's cousins in the house again. Perhaps they were more useful to have around then she had given them credit for.

Slugger happily took in all the attention until he heard a comment from Angel. "Was that Stitch strapped to the side of the missile?" 

Everyone went silent. Slugger smacked himself on the forehead, grumbling something along the lines of "Blitznag!"

"I am thinking we should follow that missile," said Jumba. Everyone agreed.

***

Stitch screamed and threw up as the missile swerved over the town, completely out of control. His vomit landed on the ice cream cone of the Sunburned Tourist, who threw it away in disgust. The missile gyrated wildly over the beach and flew out to sea, where its engine sputtered, flickered, and finally cut off. The missile plummeted into the water, dragging Stitch along with it.

The experiment panicked. Drowning had always been his worst nightmare, and now he was in danger of doing just that. He renewed his desperate struggle against his bonds, trying to hold what little breath he had in his lungs. The screen popped up again, and Gantu's disgruntled face appeared. "Well, this isn't quite what I was hoping for," he muttered, his voice distorted by the water. "But the end result is still the same. You have no hope of escape, trog. The missile is carrying you to your grave at the bottom of the sea. Already I can see you losing your hold on life." He sneered. "You will rot at the bottom of the ocean, 626. Fish will nibble away at your carcass until there's nothing left but bones, forever chained to my missile. Perhaps someday your skeleton will be discovered, and people will wonder what happened to you." His voice took on a cold edge as Stitch felt his strength faltering. "You are going to die 626. You will die, and I will be triumphant. You have taken everything from me, trog…my career, my reputation, pride, honor, dignity, courage…even my ship. You've taken it all away from me. But there is one thing I shall salvage from all this. Your death. And with your death, I will go after your family. With you gone, I doubt they will be able to fight me. I'll recapture all your cousins and send them all away where they belong, locked away in the doctor's lab forever. Do you hear me, 626? You have failed. _I win_."

Stitch could fight no more. His lungs were aching, begging for air. He looked up at the light on the surface of the ocean. Already it looked so far away. Something passed over the light, blocking it. Whatever the something was, it was coming closer. Stitch's vision was already starting to fade, but as the thing came closer, he started to make out a long, curved fin. A shark perhaps, come to devour his corpse?

Gantu gasped. "No! It can't be! Go away! Shoo!"

The thing came closer. If Stitch had any air in his lungs, he would have cried in relief. It was Sinker! The aquatic experiment smiled at Stitch, and made four slashes with its razor-sharp fin. Stitch's manacles shattered, and he floated free of the missile for a second before starting to sink again. Sinker grabbed him and tugged him upward, towards the light and fresh air. Stitch smiled inwardly. _Thank you, cousin…_

"No! This can't be happening! You were supposed to die! Come back! Nooooooooooo!" Gantu's voice faded away as the missile sunk deeper into the ocean, never to be seen again.

***

Gantu stared in disbelief at the communications screen as 602 swam off with 626. _This isn't how it was supposed to happen,_ he thought weakly. _I was supposed to win…_ Gantu looked around. The ship had crash-landed in the sea, and was now only being kept afloat by a set of flimsy air bags that Gantu had forgotten he installed. The fires had gone out, but the room still looked like a desolate ruin, a wasteland hundreds of years old. He heard a creaking sound as another part of the ship collapsed, causing the vessel to rock a bit. Water sloshed onto the floor through a hole in the wall. _I was supposed to win._

To add insult to injury, another comm screen switched on, showing the face Gantu least wanted to see at the moment. Dr. Hamsterviel took in the appearance of the shattered room behind Gantu with a stony expression on his face. He said nothing, just looking around at the horrid mess. After an eternity, his eyes rested on the ex-captain. "Gantu," he said in a slow, quiet voice completely unlike his usual screams and rants. "Where are my experiments?"

Gantu's heart sank. _Blitznag._

***

Was that cool enough for you? I'm sorry to say the epilogue won't be up for a couple of weeks, because I'm going to be spending spring break in the real Hawaii! How cool is that? I'll let you all know if I see any experiments, okay? Please review!


	11. Epilogue: Vengeful Hearts

I'm back from Hawaii! And I'll tell you, it was awesome, even if there weren't any experiments there. Kauai is a truly beautiful island, and a good enough place for the series to be set in. But the vacation's over now, and I'm back in action! Here's the final chapter of the story!

LTC, I had Stitch use 'blitznag' because as I see it, it's the Turian version of the F-word. And I definitely think having a huge destructive missile launched at your house is worthy of the F-word. And if you think Gantu was evil…just wait for the sequel!

Mostextremeprincess, Ban-Kar is not from Everworld, but I know what you're talking about. I read the series myself. It's kind of freaky, in my opinion.

MOJOJOJO22, I made Scales up. She's not on the show. Neither are Bookworm, Pinky, or the other experiments Gantu captured.

Nukerisr, more of the experiments Gantu captured will be identified in the sequel.

***

Sinker surfaced, holding Stitch up to the air. The blue experiment took a deep breath, filling his lungs with oxygen. He relaxed and hung onto Sinker as the purple experiment started swimming back towards Kauai. "Mahalo, Sinker. But how did you know I was down there?" he asked in Turian.

Sinker shrugged. "I was enjoying my day off from the sushi bar when Mr. Pudge showed up and said you were sinking. He led me to you and I cut you loose from that missile."

Stitch looked at Sinker in confusion. "Pudge? The fish?"

"No, the god. Here he is now!" A small orange fish popped its head out of the water. "See, I got him safe and sound, just like you asked."

__

Good. It would have been a terrible thing for the universe if 626 had met his death at the bottom of the sea, said a strange voice which echoed inside Stitch's head.

He looked at the fish. "Did you just talk?"

Yes, telepathically. It's one of the advantages of being a god. 

"Oh." Stitch paused. "You're not going to possess me, are you?"

Pudge laughed. _Of course not. I've already taken a body, only in spirit form could I possess you. But I have no need to do that anyway. I am not greedy like Ban-Kar and have no need to spread my ideals across the globe._

"That's a relief. Thanks for telling Sinker to save me."

Think nothing of it. 

"If there's any way I can repay you…"

Tell Lilo to bring more mayonnaise on the next sandwich offering. Now that Ban-Kar's gone, she has no excuse to stop worshipping me. 

"Okay, I'll tell her that."

Your family is looking for you on the beach. I believe your mate wishes to engage with you in certain sexual- 

"Too much information!" Sinker said loudly.

My apologies. Go to them, 626. Become one o'hana again. 

"I think I will. Thanks for the help, Pudge!" said Stitch.

__

Anytime, 626. The fish submerged and vanished.

Sinker continued swimming towards shore. "Hey Sinker, the hundred or so experiments I just rescued from Gantu will probably be looking for me at the beach too. One of them was a female aquatic that looked like just your type!" Stitch said, nudging his cousin.

Sinker laughed nervously. "Funny thing you should mention that. I already have a girlfriend."

This surprised Stitch. "Really? Who is it, Clip?"

"No, I think she fancies Finder."

"Huh, didn't know that. What about Sprout?"

"Too big."

"Topper?"

"She's not one of our cousins, Stitch."

He blinked. "Then who is it?"

He blushed. "She's a dolphin."

Stitch stared at him for a moment. "A _dolphin?!_"

"Yeah. Her name's Echo"

Stitch thought about it for a moment, then shrugged. "I don't know why I think that's so weird, considering what I usually go through on a daily basis. At least it isn't a whale."

"Funny thing you should mention that. I tried dating a whale once. I found out another reason they're called _hump_backs-"

"Too much information!" Sinker laughed and continued his swim to shore and a joyful reunion.

***

Bonnie and Clyde sulked in their glass capsules as an armored wagon transported them back to Kokaua Town Prison, where they would resume their ten-year sentence (plus extra time for breaking out in the first place). "I can't believe this is happening," grumbled Bonnie.

"Yeah, this would never've happened if that trog 626 hadn't woken up and killed 627," Clyde agreed.

"But don't worry honey, soon as we break out of prison, we'll come calling for 626." Bonnie promised.

Clyde sneered. "Yeah, he hasn't heard the last of the Bonnie and Clyde Syndicate!"

"…Clyde, we don't have a syndicate yet."

"Oh, right. Well, once we do have a syndicate, he'll hear from us! Yeah, then he'll be sorry!"

Bonnie stared at him blankly, groaned, and held her face in her hands. "This is why I'm the brains of this outfit."

***

"Evil."

Somewhere in the Pacific Ocean, a red and yellow monster sat on a splintered chunk of wood, carried away by the current. He had barely managed to survive the collapsing church by waking up before he had hit the surface of the ocean and forming a super-thick airtight bubble of ice to protect him from the water and the falling debris. When it was safe he melted the ice, climbed onto a piece of wood, and started drifting away.

627 grunted and scratched the stump of his fourth arm and the scar where Stitch had stabbed him in the back. He was surprised that he had actually been knocked out by something so simple as a stab in the back, but it had still healed rather quickly, although it did leave a lingering itch. He looked up into the sun and growled. He knew he was moving further and further away from Kauai. He wasn't worried, though. He knew that somehow, someway, he'd get back to the island. And when he did…

627 grinned at the thoughts of how he would horrendously kill the inferior experiments and lowly humans before dealing with Stitch. The blue one wouldn't know what hit him. "Evil!" he cried out to the empty sea and sky. "Evil evil evil! Evil evil! Evil evil evil EVIL!" He proclaimed his rage and his hatred to the world. He would kill experiment 626, and claim the title of ultimate experiment once and for all.

He saw movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned around and saw a boat approaching from the distance. He smiled. Perhaps he'd be paying 626 a visit sooner than he had expected.

***

Hamsterviel sat in his chair, gazing at the blank screen before him. He had just finished dealing with Gantu. The pitiful Whark had failed him for the last time. Hamsterviel had decided not to kill him, no, that would be too kind seeing as how he had been so incompetent that he let a record-breaking hundred and thirteen experiments slip through his fingers at once. Hamsterviel had gone a step above killing Gantu: he had erased him from existence. He had hacked into every record in the galaxy and erased Gantu's name from it, destroying all evidence that he had ever been born. He had even dialed up everyone who had ever known Gantu and erased their memories of him with the help of experiment 303. He had also sabotaged Gantu's communications equipment with a virus so he could send no message off-planet. He would be stranded on Earth for the rest of his life with no access to money, supplies, or a ship with which he could return to space. And even if he did, so what? He would be a nonentity, forced to wander the galaxy unknown and friendless until the day he died. A fitting end for someone who had been such a colossal failure in life.

The evil scientist grinned. Even though he had just lost a huge number of experiments, he found himself in a good mood. Destroying Gantu's past had been fun, and caused his diminutive frame to shake with laughter when he called up Gantu after erasing everything and told him what he had done. The look on the ex-captain's face had been priceless. It had also convinced him of something he should have realized a long time ago. "I should never have given that oaf so many chances," he mused. Clearly experiment 626 was a far more dangerous and powerful individual than he had ever dreamed. He had been a fool to trust Gantu with the task of defeating him. He turned around in his seat to face his captive experiments in their cells.

"Perhaps it is time I took matters into my own hands."

***

Gantu sat in his chair, watching a fuzzy and crackling transmission of Look at This. He wasn't actually watching the show, of course. He was too busy contemplating. Contemplating…and hating.

625 was in what was left of the kitchen, making a sandwich. He had calmed down a bit after finding an emergency stash of sandwich supplies he had hidden a while ago and was now using a recipe he had found on the Internet for his latest culinary masterpiece. This was fine with Gantu, because it gave him all the quiet and time he needed to consider his life.

He was nothing, now. Hamsterviel had seen to that, destroying his past completely and trapping him on Earth. He hated the doctor for this, of course, but there was one he hated even more, who was truly to blame for his misfortune.

626.

That's what he told himself, anyway. He refused to admit that the real blame lay with his own inadequacies and failures. If he had been a little less paranoid, a little less overconfident, maybe he would have won.

It no longer mattered, anyway. He might have won if he had been more careful, but he hadn't, and now he was nothing. But even if he was nothing, there was still one thing for him to live for.

"626!" he yelled abruptly. "Because of you, I've lost everything! By the blazing suns of Coronis, I swear that I…WILL…HAVE…REVENGE!" He slammed his fist on the arm of his chair. A panel fell from the ceiling and hit him on the head, knocking him out.

On the television, the show's host was describing the next guest. "Our next guest is a follower of the hugely unpopular Ban-Kar religion. He claims to have recorded his group's entire religious text on a single tape. Guess this shows what some people do when they have way too much free time!"

"I will not be mocked!" shouted the cultist. "Hear the Word of Ban-Kar!" He pressed the Play and Super Fast-Forward buttons on his tape recorder, causing the tape to play so fast it sounded like chipmunks were talking. Gantu's sleeping mind absorbed the sounds emanating from the tape. And the spirit of Ban-Kar entered the giant's body, finding a new host…

One hour later…

Gantu's eyes shot open. He wasn't really Gantu of course, but Ban-Kar in Gantu's body. The god scowled. "Those fools thought they could get rid of me so easily, did they? Well, this time I shall be triumphant! The heathens will feel the wrath of-" He stopped, suddenly realizing he was strapped to a table and completely naked. "What's going on?"

625 stepped out of the shadows, wearing a dominatrix outfit. He carried a whip in one hand and was finishing a sandwich in the other. "I'm glad you asked, tuna-breath."

Gantu scowled. "625! I order you to release me at once!"

625 swallowed the last bit of the sandwich. "Eh, 625 isn't home right now." His black eyes flickered for a moment, looking like those of a snake's.

Gantu gasped. "Ophis!"

"Bingo! Tell the god what he's won, Johnny!" 625 said sarcastically.

"But how did you possess 625?" Gantu asked in confusion.

"The sandwich 625 made used a recipe taken from a web site written by one of my followers. Eating it allowed me to take control of his body." 625 cracked his whip on Gantu's chest, causing him to yelp. "You've been a VERY naughty boy Ban-Kar; trying to take over the world again. It's no wonder all the other deities hate you. I guess it's up to me then to punish you for being so darn _naughty_."

Gantu's eyes widened. He squirmed, frantically trying to break free from the table. 625 chuckled. "Don't even try it, buster. Those bonds are too strong for you to break. I also placed a seal spell on you to keep your spirit from escaping before we're through," he said as he traced a circle painted on Gantu's forehead. "Now, I know you're not too big on bondage, but I'm hoping you'll make an exception for me. Just this once." Gantu opened his mouth to scream. 625 silenced him with a kiss and proceeded to do horrific and bizarre sexual things to Gantu's body the likes of which we poor mortals could not possibly comprehend.

The End (Freaky, huh?)

And that's it for my first tale in the Lilo and Stitch category! I hope you enjoyed it, and will join me next week for the beginning of a brand-new story. Please review!


End file.
